Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates/Tasha Yar/archive1
Appearance
- "Following further development she became known first as Tanya, and then Tasha. Crosby had originally auditioned for the role of Deanna Troi, while Rosalind Chao became a favourite for Tasha. After Marina Sirtis auditioned for the role of Tasha, the show's creator Gene Roddenberry decided to switch the roles for the actresses, with Sirtis becoming Troi and Crosby becoming Tasha." - Can we avoid having Tasha so many times in three sentences?
- She was written back into the show for the third season episode "Yesterday's Enterprise" in which the timeline was altered so that she did not die, - Erm, this implies she may have come back as a regular. Gotta make sure that's not a possible misinterpretation
- Inspired by the character of Vasquez in Aliens,[1] the character was named "Macha Hernandez" and was the Tactical Officer on board the Enterprise. - Avoid having "character" twice in the same sentence
- The character was subsequently renamed "Tanya" by March 13 for two days - This sentence is bugging me, can't think of a way to rephrase it. if we don't know for sure when she was renamed, how can we know the name only held for two days?
- writers and directors guide - Erm, writers' and directors' guide?
- Denise Crosby provided a voice role for the game, - awkward construction
- attacked by a series of sentry probes which adapt to Data and Yar's attacks - Avoid repeating attack
- The alternative universe version of Yar travelled back in time on board the Enterprise-C, and into the main timeline. - Not getting it
- Sela screamed to prevent her from being taken away from her father which subsequently resulted in Yar's execution. - very run-on
- writer's bible - As in original? Suggest quotes
- Check for BrE. As an American TV series, this should use AmE.
- Yar's death as one of the celebrated ones in Star Trek, alongside that of Spock in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan and James T. Kirk in Star Trek Generations. - Erm... celebrated? Kirk? They dropped a bridge on him, and TVTropes is still screaming. Yeah, I understand that's what the source says, but I wonder where he's getting his data from (note how your "Naff" list also has Kirk)
- Changed to "most notable" rather than "celebrated". I think that is a reasonable paraphrase and a little more accurate. I was amused in the run-up to the release of Into Darkness that one of the writers of Generations said that the original intention was for Kirk to fall on the bridge and die, not for a bridge to fall on Kirk and die! Miyagawa (talk) 18:16, 31 July 2013 (UTC)
- You paraphrase "Naff" as "stupid" in the lead. I'd probably go with "tasteless", or "ppor", or "bad", or something a little less polarizing.
- I've given a copyedit, be sure to check. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 13:10, 31 July 2013 (UTC)