Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 October 6

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User:Melodieofmovement/Thought-Management

I would adore some feedback on this article. THANK YOU

Melodieofmovement (talk) 00:20, 6 October 2010 (UTC)

WP:QUOTEFARM, it does not show why "Thought management" is notable. See WP:OR.  Chzz  ►  02:30, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

User:TaleTreader/Tourism in Yorkshire

Hi,

I've created a page about Tourism in Yorkshire. Yorkshire is the largest English county but there's no dedicated page about tourism in the region.

Can you please have a look to see if meets Wikipedia criteria?

Many thanks

TaleTreader (talk) 12:36, 6 October 2010 (UTC)

In general, it looks good, but please make sure everything has a reference, and in particular keep a neutral point-of-view; for example;

The Yorkshire Moors is an area of outstanding natural beauty designated as a National Park in 1952 and situated in the county of North Yorkshire. It contains one of the largest expanses of heater moorland in the UK.

The Yorkshire Dales National Park was established in 1954 and offers visitors outstanding scenery, a variety of wildlife and recreation options.

Stick to hard facts with references; let the reader decide their significance. Beware of weasel words and peacock terms.  Chzz  ►  02:34, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

Thanks Chzz. I'll get more references into it and re-submit for feedback.

Regards

TaleTreader (talk) 14:30, 10 October 2010 (UTC)

Golfsmith

How can I achieve sufficient neutrality? I tried to be very careful in just stating facts that can be verified by the third-party sources I cited.

Karl Richter (talk) 15:41, 6 October 2010 (UTC)

Simply put: prove the facts. Show us independent, reliable sources that support the assertions.

Golfsmith is one of the largest golf and tennis specialty retailers in the United States.

Golfsmith offers a broad selection of major-brand golf and tennis equipment,

Founded by Carl and Barbara Paul in 1967,

Golfsmith began as a custom golf club components supplier.

As of August 2010, the company had expanded to comprise over 75 retail stores in 21 states,

...and so on.

Stick to facts from independent reliable sources.

Also, please read WP:BFAQ.  Chzz  ►  02:37, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

User:Michael Sutton WAP/Buying Property in Turkey

I posted this article and it was deleted as adding nothing new to Foreign purchases of real estate in Turkey.

However, this article is focussed on post crunch Turkey, and also on explaining the buying process. Since deletion I have added additional information on how the constitutional reforms recently voted on could change the buying process.

Can you give any advice on getting this article published...

I mean, I could add a section after the intro on why Turkish property is more popular after the financial downturn than before, with a lot of current details and sources to verify, but I wanted to focus on the buying process.

A lot of it looks like original research, which is not permitted. For example, But that isn't a new thing, or entirely caused by the sovereign debt crisis. In fact EU membership became less and less necessary for Turkey throughout 2009, as Turkey shored up its relations with its allies and formed new alliances throughout the developed and emerging world. - this seems to be opinion, not fact.

You could add the (referenced) facts to another article, or course; but I don't think a separate article is the best way. Maybe suggest changes, on Talk:Foreign purchases of real estate in Turkey, instead.

Please read WP:OR.  Chzz  ►  02:42, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

First article help

Hoping to receive feedback that article was done correctly. I followed guidelines and read related sections so believe I am off to a good start. Hyperlinks and footnotes/sources provided. I work for the organization this woman founded, so this is done with permission.

Catalystorg (talk) 16:45, 6 October 2010 (UTC)

Looking at your contributions, I assume you mean Wikipedia talk:Articles for creation/Felice N. Schwartz

As advised in the article, you need to use inline citations. I will add further help on your own talk page.  Chzz  ►  02:45, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

Lewis Advertising

Any pointers will be helpful. Thanks in advance.

Lwsellersjr (talk) 16:46, 6 October 2010 (UTC)

Given username, please see WP:BFAQ for why this is inappropriate.  Chzz  ►  02:48, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

User:JessGra/Bracken Engineering, Inc.

Constructive criticism, suggestions and feedback will be much appreciated.

Thank you!

JessGra (talk) 18:40, 6 October 2010 (UTC)

There are problems with neutrality, for example highly trained group of Engineers

There are lots of unreferenced claims; In 1996, Bracken Engineering held one professional license to provide Engineering services within the State of Florida. Currently Bracken Engineering holds seventeen licenses and is able to provide Engineering Services in Alabama, [...] and Wyoming.}

Not neutral: :Throughout the course of it's expansion Bracken Engineering has become more frequently involved with high profile cases

All claims need references. Bracken Engineering's ERT responded to six hurricanes over the course of 2004 and 2005 including Hurricanes Charley, Jeanne, Frances, Wilma and Katrina. During their response to the 2004 and 2005 hurricanes, Bracken Engineering's Engineering Response Team was able to provide engineering services to over 200 individual insurance adjusters on more than 500 losses.

(these are examples only; it all needs verification)  Chzz  ►  03:01, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

CarrieUnderwoodAppearances

I just published my first article. This article was created with the idea that Carrie Underwood has had so many appearances that they are cluttering her main article, and a separate page would be more organized. Any feedback is appreciated!

MusicAgain (talk) 19:13, 6 October 2010 (UTC)

Please try to inform us about this person, in descriptive prose, not a list. See WP:NOTDIR.

Imagine if we listed every single performance of, e.g., Michael Jackson?

Remove all the unreferenced facts (WP:V) and describe the career, don't just list it. Look at some featured articles for examples.  Chzz  ►  03:06, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

• I've moved it to a proper title. THENEWMONO 04:01, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

User:Athunt/Shera Bechard

Need help posting this page.

Athunt (talk) 22:10, 6 October 2010 (UTC)

Given the references at present, this person does not have significant coverage in reliable sources; see WP:VRS and WP:BLP. You need to show why they are notable.  Chzz  ►  03:08, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

Al Albert (soccer coach)

Please assist me clearing the "new unreviewed article" tag. Thanks!

Grambles12 (talk) 23:10, 6 October 2010 (UTC)

The "Soccer in Williamsburg" section has no references, and the second parts of "Tidewater Soccer Camp" and "Maccabiah" do not. Where does this info come from, and where can it be verified?

In addition, the names in "Personal" should be removed, see WP:NPF.  Chzz  ►  03:15, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

Thank you Chzz. I made the changes you suggested. Please check them out at your convenience. User:Grambles12

Howard A. Ozmon

Please review this and if all is in good order, upload it to this site. You may contact me at [email protected] (Wendy Jones) with any questions or concerns, Thanks!!

Wee1087 (talk) 23:53, 6 October 2010 (UTC)

Please add inline references; see WP:CITE.

Lived in Portsmouth, Virginia, and received an A.A. degree from St. Bernard College, a B.A. from the University of Virginia in philosophy, a Master of Arts in International and Comparative Education, and an Ed.D. in philosophy of education from Teachers College, Columbia University. He taught in the public schools of New York and New Jersey, and at several colleges and universities, including the University of Virginia and Virginia Commonwealth University. He was also professor and chairman of the Department of Education at Chicago State University.

...and so on.  Chzz  ►  03:17, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

S. Somasegar

Please review this article. I've added reliable sources for the content in the article. There were many more sources available, e.g. CNET has 20 articles and eWeek has 60 articles about Somasegar, but I've tried to be selective about the ones I added.

Navmehta (talk) 23:56, 6 October 2010 (UTC)

I am concerned about the part, Somasegar has a master's degree in computer engineering from Louisiana State University and a bachelor's degree in electronics and communication engineering from Guindy Engineering College, Anna University, in Chennai, India.. This is a non-neutral claim, and it is based on livemint.com which I am bot sure is a appropriate reliable source.

Somasegar lives in the Seattle area. He and his wife have two daughters. - this is unreferenced.

He frequently shares his thoughts via his blog - this seems like an opinion, not a fact, and is somewhat promotional, unless independent sources have talked about it.  Chzz  ►  03:23, 7 October 2010 (UTC)