Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 October 11

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South Sound Speedway[edit]

I created my first article a few days ago and would greatly appreciate feedback. Thanks. Dylan2448 (talk) 05:01, 11 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

What is "NASCAR NW Tour" ? Is there an article about it? If so, link it. If not, at least link NASCAR. Please give more context; don't assume readers know the subject area. Similarly, I do not know what "super stocks, street stocks, legends, and NW baby grands" are; please ^{[clarification needed]} and/or add wikilink.

"owned by the uncle of Derrike Cope"^{[citation needed]}

Please try to expand it, using information from appropriate reliable sources such as newspaper articles about it. Currently, each section is very short; a section should really be 2-4 paragraphs, and definitely not just a single sentence; if it is just one sentence, it does not need a == Heading ==

It is linked from List of auto racing tracks in the United States, but nothing else, so currently it is an orphan - please try to add links from other articles, if possible.

Ref. 3 did not work, because you had the address as http://http://www.racingwest.com/tracks/south-sound-speedway.html

I have corrected this, and added more details; please see this edit.

You could add similar details to the other references, see {{cite web}}.

Chzz ► 04:35, 12 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the feedback. I have begun, but not finished, work on your suggestions. I understand your concern regarding the classes.(super stocks, street stocks) Unfortunately Wikipedia does not have articles explaining these topics. I however am aware of a few external web pages which explain the matter. Of course I, being quite tyronic, am unaware of how to incorporate these external links into my work. If you could assist me with such a task it would be greatly appreciated. Dylan2448 (talk) 21:30, 12 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Diane Katsiaficas[edit]

include more information

Meenanew (talk) 06:08, 11 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

It needs inline references to reliable sources.

Also, do not start lines with spaces, otherwise...

it appears like this, with a dotted box.

You need to show why the person is notable, otherwise, it might be deleted; see also WP:BIO.

The "Educational Background" needs references, or if it cannot be verified (ie, if not published in a newspaper or something) - then it should be removed; same with 'Awards'. Chzz ► 04:38, 12 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

OutFest Philadelphia (street festival)#References[edit]

I am new to Wiki ... Please help me add to this article!

69.98.51.38 (talk) 06:53, 11 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

It needed the word 'thumb' in the pictures, to make them into thumbnails, with a caption - as shown here;

[[File:OutFest09Bob2.jpg|thumb|OutFest 2009 Bob Shreves]]

You need to add inline references. I'll add help on that, on your own talk page. Chzz ► 04:46, 12 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

User:DoctorOm/SoNoLita[edit]

New User. Unsure of formatting or content.

DoctorOm (talk) 07:16, 11 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

User:HeavenTouchingEarthMusic[edit]

New User just did an article for an artist hin my country Trinidad and Tobago that I believe is note worthy. The link below is the article with 6 online reference of the artist. Is that enough?

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:HeavenTouchingEarthMusic/Enter_your_new_article_name_here&action=submit HeavenTouchingEarthMusic (talk) 16:58, 11 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Fritz Schlemmer[edit]

This is my first article in over 5 years, and the first since I created an account. I think it looks OK generally, but then I'm biased. OK, I went ahead and renamed (moved?) the article to Ferdinand Louis Schlemmer.

In case reviewer of my article notices similarities with http://www.askart.com/AskART/artists/biography.aspx?artist=100052, just for the record, they got the picture and info from my wikipedia article, not the other way around.

Kashikom (talk) 17:09, 11 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

User:Futuresfan/Carley Garner[edit]

This is my first article. I have done extensive research in order to provide several credible resources but would love feedback on whether I succeeded.

Thanks!

Futuresfan (talk) 21:20, 11 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I fixed the link to your draft. Ka renjc 17:14, 14 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks!!

S. Somasegar[edit]

Please help me review and publish this article. In the earlier review, it was suggested that I should add more references regarding Somasegar's degrees, blog and family. I've added several more references from reliable sources to address those concerns.

In the earlier review, a concern was also raised whether LiveMint.com is a reliable source. I have added several more independent sources for the same factoids that were cited to Live Mint earlier. That said, please note that Live Mint is a Wall Street Journal partner. It is published by HT Media (BSE, NSE), which is one of India's largest media companies. To cater to the large readership base, HT Media operates 19 printing facilities across India with an installed capacity of 1.5 million copies per hour. Mint is today the second-largest business newspaper in India.

Navmehta (talk) 22:10, 11 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Hi. It's a good start and there's no doubting the notabililty of this person. Mint is fine as a reliable source. If you can find out more information about the subject, you should preferably begin with some more personal background such as date, place, and country of birth. if you can find out more about his education, such as elementary and high school, then together with his university periods of study and degrees, you could make a section on his education. You could then follow this with a dedicated section on career, mentioning any milestones he was responsible for in the company(ies) he worked for. Try to research to see if he has chairmanships or board positions on any other companies, or subsidiaries of Microsoft. Follow that by a section on awards he has received. Remember to put Wikilinks on words that link back to other important Wikipedia pages. (see the ones I have done for you). If some of them are red, take them out again if it is unlikely an article will be written about them in the very near future. Check out how to format links properly so that the bare URLs are not showing. Think about other Wikipedia articles that might benefit from having a link to this one rticle and go to them and incorporate the link either in the text or as a 'see also' - ths will avoid your article being tagged as an 'orphan'. FInally, as the photo is one that other editor might want to use in other articles, consider uploading it to Commons (click on the photo to see any comments that have been put on it since you uploaded it). --Kudpung (talk) 13:51, 13 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you so much Kudpung for awesome feedback. I've incorporated a lot of your feedback, including

added place and country of birth
added date of birth
cleaned up references so that URLs don't show up
changed links with multiple references into "named" links so that they don't show up multiple times in references section
added The Overlake School board membership
added a redirect for Windows HPC Server to Windows HPC Server 2008 so that the reference on the page doesn't show up as red.

Would it be possible to help me with taking out the tag at the top that says, "[t]his page is a new unreviewed article."? Thank you so much again. --Navmehta (talk) 07:34, 19 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

User:Seanmurphy27/Build.com[edit]

I'd just like to know if my article is ready to go live. It's on Build.com, an online home improvement store in Northern California. I have four references that I consider all reliable. Please let me know what you think and where I can improve it in order to let it go live.

Thank you,

Sean <removed email address>

Seanmurphy27 (talk) 23:53, 11 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Sorry, we only reply to requests or questions here on Wikipedia, not via Email. I've removed your email address, just because a lot of people visit this page and anyone can see it, so you might get spam and suchlike :) The whole article just sounds like an advertisement for the company, at least in my opinion. See WP:TONE and WP:POV. Chevy monte carlo - alt 19:18, 12 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Unfortunately, I agree. While it is reasonably well put together, with decent references, the whole tone is spammy--SPhilbrick T 14:36, 15 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I'd love to hear suggestions how I can make this page sound less spammy. It's modeled after the article for Zappos.com, and hoped to convey an objective tone. Any suggestions how I can improve this page? Thank you very much.

User:Brouillette.ryan/mikolim[edit]

I have added references to this draft. Can someone help me make this draft more encyclopedic? Thank you

Brouillette.ryan (talk) 00:02, 12 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]

See reply yesterday. Chzz ► 04:22, 12 October 2010 (UTC)[reply]