Wikipedia:Peer review/Premiere (The O.C.)/archive1

Premiere (The O.C.)

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for August 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I'm listing this article because I am interested in getting it to FA (possibly through GA first). I was just looking for some pointers and a bit of advice as this is my first FA attempt with an article.

Thanks, Rambo's Revenge (talk) 17:37, 11 August 2008 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Very briefly, here are some suggestions for improvement. If you want more comments, please ask here.

• The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. Nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself but ... financial penalties imposed for filming outside the "30-mile zone".[5] seems to only be in the lead. My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way. Please see WP:LEAD
• Provide context to the reader - the same ... financial penalties imposed for filming outside the "30-mile zone".[5] is unexplained in the Filming section or elsewhere in the article that I could see. See WP:PCR
• The plot section seems to be overly detailed - a commercial break is not really part of the plot, couldn't is just be "Later..."? Also make sure the plot is described from an out of universe perspective - see WP:IN-U.
• Article could use a copyedit "it's" is used where "its" (possessive) is meant, there are other spots that need polish.
• Per WP:CITE references come AFTER punctuation, and are usually at the end of a sentence or phrase. Make sure all of the sources meet WP:RS - what makes seeingstars.com a RS? Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 15:39, 16 August 2008 (UTC)

 On hold - Thanks for your comments. I will get round to addressing them when I return from a wikibreak. Thanks once again, Rambo's Revenge (talk) 20:21, 17 August 2008 (UTC)

Comment from Matthewedwards (talk · contribs)

• "The show was set in Newport Beach but much of the production took place in and around the Manhattan Beach area due to financial penalties imposed for filming outside the "30-mile zone"." --> "The show was set in Newport Beach, Orange County, California but much of the production took place in and around the Manhattan Beach, Los Angeles County, California area due to financial penalties imposed for filming outside the "Thirty Mile Zone"."
  •  Done. Rambo's Revenge (talk) 10:00, 3 September 2008 (UTC)

Matthewedwards (talk • contribs • email) 20:02, 18 August 2008 (UTC)

Comments from Ealdgyth (talk · contribs)

• You said you wanted to know what to work on before taking to FAC, so I looked at the sourcing and referencing with that in mind. I reviewed the article's sources as I would at FAC.
  • Current refs 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 29 are lacking publisher.
    •  Done Rambo's Revenge (talk) 10:00, 3 September 2008 (UTC)
  • What makes the following sources reliable?
    • http://www.seeing-stars.com/
      • Comment. I would say it is reliable. It is a self-published source by someone who has become an expert in that field and gained coverage in relaible third party publications like LA Times & Daily News (LA) [1],[2]. Rambo's Revenge (talk) 10:00, 3 September 2008 (UTC)
    • http://www.hollywood.com/

Hope this helps. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) 19:45, 22 August 2008 (UTC)