Wikipedia:Peer review/Meet Kevin Johnson/archive1

Meet Kevin Johnson

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for November 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
Before I nominate this as an FAC, there are some places where I think that the prose could be improved—mostly in the lead. Perhaps the reception section should be cut down as well. Thanks, –thedemonhog talk • edits 01:50, 8 November 2008 (UTC)

Comments from 97198

• the return of several dead or departed characters and revelations about them; specifically, that Tom (M.C. Gainey) is gay - "several" characters and revelations about them are mentioned, but it's not really going into specifics when only one instance is given. Either the clause before or after the semicolon needs to be changed to reflect what the other implies.
• After escaping from the island, Michael has returned to Manhattan, has become estranged from his son Walt Lloyd (Malcolm David Kelley) after confessing that he murdered Ana Lucia Cortez (Michelle Rodriguez) and Libby (Cynthia Watros) as part of his effort to rescue Walt from the Others' captivity and is seeing apparations of the late Libby - a pretty big mouthful for one sentence. If you don't break it up, a serial comma after "captivity" would make it somewhat easier for reading.
• Libby's mysterious backstory will be revealed through multiple flashbacks of a new character not aboard Oceanic 815 introduced in the fourth or fifth season - doesn't entirely make sense to use future tense with season 4, though it does make it hard to discuss 4 and 5 in the same tense...
• Cynthia Watros became the first former cast member not receive a "Special Guest Star" credit upon her return - could possibly do with a citation, as the episode itself can't be used to show that this was the fourth. Could be hard to source, though.
• revealed to be the homosexual—Lost's only gay characters - "the homosexual"?
• executive producers co-creator/head writer Damon Lindelof and staff writer Carlton Cuse - we've got a kind of double-epithet going on for each of them... not sure if this could be easily trimmed?
• Dubbed "the most anticipated Lost of the season" by Verne Gay of Newsday - would placing an "[episode]" after "Lost" make some more sense?
• I don't think Lindelof's 24 analogy really adds much. It's already pointed out that he was less than impressed by the fan forums and the nitpicking, so his little rant about 24 isn't especially relevant, IMO. (And you mentioned the Reception section is a little lengthy.)
• "this episode fell a little short … I feel like we were kind of robbed of half of the 'What Happened to Michael?' story. It was interesting to see how far into depression he sunk … And they did give him a pretty good reason for working for Ben … But I can't shake the feeling that we missed a good opportunity. He further commented that "Tom would make a great football coach—his motivational speeches are awesome." - I think a quote needs to be closed around about "opportunity"...?
• Just my pedantic nitpicking - do we really need all the ampersands in ref 39? Looks kinda neater and a little less "whoa" with semicolons. Maybe likewise for ref 4. Maybe ref 14 too, or perhaps keep the ampersand between the Darltons because they're a "writing team"? Or you could just use commas as done in ref 7 ... oh, the possibilies are endless. Do as you please. It's definitely not life or death, as much as it sounds like it!

Lovely as usual. Image FU rationale will probably need some strengthening for taking to FAC, though I don't doubt you already expect that. :) —97198 (talk) 11:54, 13 November 2008 (UTC)

Helpful review, as always. –thedemonhog talk • edits 06:39, 23 November 2008 (UTC)