Wikipedia:Peer review/Explorer Scouts/archive1

Explorer Scouts

After using the automated peerreviewer from AndyZ, I've been working to resolve the issues it has thrown up... now that that is done, could I ask for anyone willing to have a look over and see what could be done to this article to further improve on it? Thanks in advance, Horus Kol 16:37, 12 December 2006 (UTC)

• Comments:
• Overall expand the article (see Boy Scouts of America, or even better the featured articles at Wikipedia:WikiProject Scouting/Article showcase#Featured articles, as examples). The lead is also lacking - though its technically 2 paragraphs, neither paragraph is longer than 3 sentences.

I have lengthened the lead and rewritten a couple of sentences as per your suggestions below Horus Kol 10:57, 15 December 2006 (UTC)

• The note on the top should be indented (use a colon), plus why is there a "is/was"? One or other will suffice.

done Horus Kol 10:57, 15 December 2006 (UTC)

• The second paragraph is hard to read through; make it more parallel. The first part of the sentence describes a section; the second part describes Explorers. Other unparallel things in the sentence include the usage of parentheses (either use twice or neither) and "the age of" vs. "years old".

done Horus Kol 10:57, 15 December 2006 (UTC)

• This section follows on from the Scout Troop (10 to 14 year olds) and Explorers will move onto the Scout Network at the age of 18.

done Horus Kol 10:57, 15 December 2006 (UTC)

• Units can be specialised activity Units, such as Climbing or Water Activities; Units can also be setup to provision for the Young Leader Programme; Sea Explorer Scout or Air Explorer Scout Units continue the Sea Scout or Air Scout programme into the 14-18 age range.
  • Overusage of semicolons
  • Units is redundant, as it appears twice in the first phrase alone
  • Are the Activities actually Units? If not, the modifier, such as…, is misplaced.
  • "setup" can only be used in the noun form.
  • The third part of the sentence is little to do with the rest of the sentence. Make it separate. It is worded a bit weirdly with the "or"s, try: Sea Exporer and Air Exporer Scout Units continue their respective programmes into…. Also, Units aren't 14-18 in age range.

I've done a rewrite of this sequence Horus Kol 10:57, 15 December 2006 (UTC)

• No fair use rationale for Image:Uk-scouts-ex-cl-yl.gif (and the other one)?

It's licenced as a Scout Logo which is available for use in material relating to Scouting Horus Kol 10:57, 15 December 2006 (UTC)

• The "See also" section is virtually blank; the "Further reading" section should only include books not used as references. Instead, delete the "Further reading" section and move its contents into the "See also" section.

done Horus Kol 10:57, 15 December 2006 (UTC)

• Per WP:MSH, "Other Activities" -> "Other activities".

done Horus Kol 10:57, 15 December 2006 (UTC)

• If you are looking for GA or FA, I suggest foremost the content of the article be expanded. Also, be sure to go through the article and copyedit. Good luck, AZ _t 22:05, 14 December 2006 (UTC)

Thanks for the comments so far, Andy - I've tried to fix the points you have raised here as best as I could. Horus Kol 10:57, 15 December 2006 (UTC)