Wikipedia:Peer review/1920 APFA season/archive1

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1920 APFA season[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want this article to become GA. My goal is to have this and all the teams' season, so I can make it my first GT. I know how to do the season pages, but I have like no idea what to do for this page. I've edited some to cover the basic of basic stuff. I'm lost, however, and I was hoping someone here can help me. Thank you to anyone in advance.

Thanks,
—Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 20:57, 24 March 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Brianboulton comments: There's obviously a lot of research gone into this article. The prose needs attention if it is to make GA, and some clarification of certain details in the tables is necessary. Specific points:-

Prose
  • "later named the National Football League in 1922". You shouldn't have "later" when you give the year 1922. Thus "...renamed the National Football League in 1922".
  • The lead is supposed to be a broad summary of the article's content. You have far too much minor detail in the lead, that ought to be given in the later sections
  • I don't think "Offseason" is the appropriate heading to describe the period before the league's existence. In sports, "off season" generally refers to periods of inactivity between the sport's formal seasons. Furthermore, the narrative of the article is confused by having the story of the league's setting up told in both the lead and the first section.
    • That makes sense. What do you suggest changing it to? Would "Formation of the league" fit?
      —Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 03:54, 12 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "At the meeting, the representatives tentatively agreed to introduce a salary cap for the teams, not to sign college players nor players under contract with another team, and called their new league the American Professional Football Conference." This seems an odd order in which to present the meeting's business. I imagine they decided first to form the league and then what to call it, before settling details of player registration and salary caps.
  • "Since the Akron Pros had a 1.000 winning percentage..." 1.000 is not a percentage. Does "1.000" equate to 100 percent? Also, I see that they won 8 and tied 3 games, so how does that mean either "1.000" or "100 percent"?
    • Before 1972, the NFL did not count tie games into the winning percentages, so it was just (wins)/(losses). Also, in sports, the media uses the decimal formula (1.000) instead of the percent (100%).
      —Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 03:54, 12 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "If this rule was in the case in 1920..." - Not grammatical. Try "If this rule had applied in 1920..."
  • Media section:
  • A single short sentence does not warrant a section. And apart from the poor grammar, the sentence is an unnecessary statement of the obvious, since there were few if any other forms of mass media in 1920. I advise delete this section
    • Alright. I was just looking at the other years articles. Guess there wasn't enough information. Deleted.
      —Michael Jester (talk · contribs) 03:54, 12 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Awards: What is the status of the "All-pro" list compiled by Copeland, and what was the nature of any "award" associated with it?
Tables
  • Format: why is the general format "Away → Home" rather than "Home" → "Away"?
  • What is the meaning of the (0–1–0) and other unexplained parenthetical details?
  • Final Standings table: column headings are cryptic. I can work out W, L and T. I assume "PCT" is "percentage", although the figures in the column are not percentages. PF and PA presumably points for and against, but I've no idea about STK.
    • It means winning/losing streak. The use of {{Tooltip}} helps out.
Other points
  • In the notes, page ranges require pp. and single page refs require p.
  • Image: Did women play - or should the caption be redrafted slightly?
  • The image source link is uninformative - it doesn't confirm the details shown in the file description, nor that the image was from the Akron Beacon Journal. Where does this information come from?

I hope these points are helpful in getting the article towards where you want it. Brianboulton (talk) 21:13, 11 April 2012 (UTC)[reply]

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