Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Sahure/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose via FACBot (talk) 25 December 2019 [1].

Sahure[edit]

Nominator(s): Iry-Hor (talk) 12:22, 19 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

This article is about Sahure, second king of the Fifth Dynasty of Egypt c. 2460 BC. Sahure's reign represents the political and cultural apex of the Fifth Dynasty (I am quoting a source here!) and possibly of entire Old Kingdom period. His mortuary temple was decorated with an unrivalled 10,000 m2 (110,000 sq ft) of exquisite polychrome reliefs recognised by the ancient Egyptians themselves as the highest form reached by this art, including many representations that are unique to Egyptian history (a pharaoh gardening! bears! and more!). It also featured the first use of palmiform columns--which became almost universally used in subsequent Egyptian temples--and the overall architecture was so innovative that it became the standard template for all following Old Kingdom mortuary temples. A visitor wrote that his temple was still like "Heaven lit by full moon" over 1200 years after Sahure's death.

This article is the fruit of an endless quest for information stemming from 127 sources selected out of nearly 400 JSTOR articles as well as tens of books mentioning Sahure, yielding over 300 inline references. Sahure is the last Fifth Dynasty king not to be FA yet in the series Userkaf (soon to be promoted), Sahure, Neferirkare Kakai, Neferefre, Shepseskare, Nyuserre Ini, Menkauhor Kaiu, Djedkare Isesi, Unas. Once the article on the Fifth Dynasty itself is brought to FA standards, it will constitute, together with the FA articles on the pyramids of these pharaohs, one of the largest if not the largest all-featured topic of wikipedia! Iry-Hor (talk) 12:22, 19 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Source review—pass[edit]

  • Baker, Darrell (2008), Breasted, James Henry (1906), Clayton, Peter (1994), Dodson, Aidan; Hilton, Dyan (2004), Wilkinson, Toby (2000) need location
Done.Iry-Hor (talk) 19:20, 21 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Gaber, Amr (2003). According to Worldcat, location is Boca Raton.
Done.Iry-Hor (talk) 19:20, 21 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Huyge, Dirk (2017), Goedicke, Hans (1988), Horváth, Z. (2003), Kaiser, Werner (1956), Katary, Sally (2001), Verner, Miroslav (2012)—can you get any identifiers (isbn, jstor, oclc, etc.) on these publications?
Done, I have added the issn or isbn or oclc depending on what I could find. The Katary entry already had an isbn.
  • Journal of the American Research Center in Egypt. Some of these have the institution name, some don't. Be consistent.
Fixed.Iry-Hor (talk) 19:20, 21 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sources all look reliable.
  • Source checks: Wright & Pardee. No problems found. buidhe 18:58, 21 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Buidhe I hope this addresses all your concerns.Iry-Hor (talk) 19:30, 21 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Image review—pass[edit]

  • Verified that all images are relevant and available under a free license. buidhe 20:07, 21 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Support Comments from Jim[edit]

Very comprehensive, scholarly, and well illustrated. Of course, some nitpicks to show I've read it. Jimfbleak - talk to me? 14:06, 27 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

  • in Greek as Sephrês, Σϵϕρής—what's the relevance of this? We are millennia before Ptolemaic Egypt, the local language was Egyptian and Ancient Greek as linked didn't exist then. Linear B or Sumerian would be better
Done Well you are right, this is included because traditionally, the name of Ancient Pharaohs have been known to us through Greek historians of the classical period and some of these kings are still frequently known by their Greek names today, e.g. Mykerinos for Menkaura, Kheops for Khufu and Chephren for Khafra. That said, I recognise that this argument is a bit weak for Sahure, as few people know his Greek name anyway. Thus I have removed this from the lede, and left this info in the alternative names of the infobox as well as in the relevant section discussing historial sources.Iry-Hor (talk) 17:30, 27 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • queen Neferhetepes II—capped as Queen?
DoneIry-Hor (talk) 17:30, 27 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sahure had a pyramid built for himself in Abusir, thereby abandoning the royal necropolises of Saqqara and Giza, where his predecessors had built their pyramids.—repeated pyramids, perhaps monument or similar for one
Done I replaced the second instance by "monuments" as you suggested.Iry-Hor (talk) 17:30, 27 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • officiant priests—Just priest would do?
Done.Iry-Hor (talk) 17:30, 27 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • link cartouche, stele, torus moulding and cornice at first occurrence
Done.Iry-Hor (talk) 17:30, 27 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • A unique relief depicts several Syrian brown bears—not clear what is unique about this
Clarified, the relief has no parallel in Egyptian art, that is the only relief depicting bears ever made in Egyptian Egypt is this one. I have changed the sentence to clarify this.Iry-Hor (talk) 17:30, 27 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Coloured but honored, harbor
Fixed AmEng here.Iry-Hor (talk) 17:30, 27 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Known Officials—just officials, you can't write about unknown officials. Also the caps are incorrect
Fixed.Iry-Hor (talk) 17:30, 27 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Jimfbleak all fixed !Iry-Hor (talk) 17:30, 27 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Great stuff, happy to support above Jimfbleak - talk to me? 19:43, 27 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Support Comments from Khruner[edit]

High–quality article as expected from you. I've just found out about the interesting issue of Sekhmet of Sahure and I thank you about that. I encountered just a few inconsistencies, yet nothing about the content per se:

  • the Ramses/Ramesses issue. Either are fine but let's choose one above the other;
Done.Iry-Hor (talk) 16:16, 8 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • similarly, the dynastic naming convention. I noticed, however, that early dynasties here are written alphabetically (i.e. Fifth Dynasty) while the later are written numerically (17th Dynasty), so this may be some kind of English language rule that I'm unaware of.
Fixed Good point, I have decided to write all dynasties explicitly with letters to harmonize the article.Iry-Hor (talk) 16:16, 8 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • A missing space after "Sephrês,".
Done.Iry-Hor (talk) 16:16, 8 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Khruner (talk) 13:19, 8 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Khruner All fixed ! Thanks for your help reviewing this.Iry-Hor (talk) 16:16, 8 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
You're welcome! Khruner (talk) 16:28, 8 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Support from Udimu and a few Comments[edit]

Without any doubts a very good article, that gets all my support. I have just a few queries.

Sun templesː once written in two wordsː Sekhet Re, another time in one Nekhenre (needs to be consistent)
Fixed thanks for pointing this out, I have chosen the spelling Sekhetre throughout the article to be consistent with the article on Userkaf's temple. In addition I gave the alternative spelling Sekhet Re only once when the temple is named the first time writing "Sekhetre (also spelt Sekhet Re)" as I have since both in sources.Iry-Hor (talk) 12:20, 9 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
At the time, Senusret I's decision represented an abrupt departure from the burial customs of the 11th Dynasty pharaohs

I am not sure about that, already Amenemhat I left Thebes, so he broke with the 11th Dynasty tradition, not Senusret I. I would rephrase.

Done This was actually what the source said but I agree that this is a strange statement so I weakened it to: " Senusret I's decision was in stark contrast with the burial customs..." i.e. I don't say that this is an abrupt departure as you are right that it was Amenemhat I's decisions which marked the departure.Iry-Hor (talk) 12:20, 9 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
the official Habauptah -> more likely Khabauptah (but please check, Habauptah does not make sense)
Fixed thanks you very very much for seeing this! I went back to Mariette's drawing of the mastaba to check and there it was: his name was indeed Khabauptah. You must be the only person in the whole of wikipedia to be able to spot this mistake! Iry-Hor (talk) 12:20, 9 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
the idea of Khaemwaset as the great restorer and Egyptologist seems slightly outdated. Check Jaromír Málek: A Meeting of the Old and New. Saqqâra during the New Kingdom. In: Alan B. Lloyd (Hrsg.): Studies in Pharaonic Religion and Society. In Honour of J. Gwyn Griffiths (= The Egypt Exploration Society. Occasional Publications. Vol. 8). Egypt Exploration Society, London 1992, ISBN 0-85698-120-6, p. 57–76. Malek argues that Khaemwaset used all old monuments as quarries for his father building's and just placed a label on this monuments to ensure a minimal cult.
Done Thanks for this, Malek does it say so, thus I changed the passage to "At the same period, prince Khaemwaset, a son of Ramses II, undertook works throughout Egypt on pyramids and temples which had fallen into ruin, possibly in order to appropriate stones for his father's construction projects while ensuring a minimal restoration for cultic purposes."Iry-Hor (talk) 12:20, 9 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
last pointː I would rephrase the parts on the navy. This ships are well preserved on the reliefs in the king's temple, but we do not know whether he just copied old scenes, as he did with the war scenes. all the best -- Udimu (talk) 18:01, 8 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Done I wrote that it is not clear whether the scene are copied from earlier examples or are original compositions dating to the time of Sahure. I also distinguished "earliest depiction" vs "earliest useage of" something, e.g. sea power to transport troops.Iry-Hor (talk) 12:20, 9 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Udimu All done, thank you for your valued inputs. Your finding the spelling mistake in Khabauptah's name is remarkable!Iry-Hor (talk) 12:20, 9 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
no problem. These are all minor issues that could appear in even the best academic works. best wishes --Udimu (talk) 12:31, 9 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
I am starting to fear a lack of reviews on this. Aoba47, Mr rnddude would you be interested in reviewing this article ?Iry-Hor (talk) 21:07, 13 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you for the ping. Unfortunately, I am currently retired and no longer doing reviews. Good luck with the nomination! Aoba47 (talk) 02:00, 16 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Support Comments by Dudley[edit]

  • "several naval expeditions to modern day Lebanon to procure cedar trees, people (slaves or merchants)" I do not understand what is meant by procuring merchants.
Fixed, initially the sentence was referring only to slaves, as many sources believe these people were, but then I found a source stating that they were merchants. I removed the reference to merchants in this sentence since this is the lede and the "these are merchants" opinion is a minority. Both opinions are discussed in the main text.Iry-Hor (talk) 10:06, 18 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Sahure was the object of a funerary cult initially reliant on agricultural estates set up during his reign." I think "financed by" would be clearer than "reliant on".
Changed actually the term "financed" won't do here as there was nothing like financing in Ancient Egyptian society, which had for example no money at this time, no bank nor lenders etc. The agricultural estates were really directly providing food for the offerings and from there to feed the priests of the cults. I wrote : "Sahure was the object of a funerary cult, the food offerings for which were initially provided by agricultural estates set up during his reign".Iry-Hor (talk) 10:06, 18 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "This peculiar cult," peculiar sounds POV. Maybe unusual would be better.
Done.Iry-Hor (talk) 10:06, 18 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "who was believed to be his brother[37] until 2005". This sounds a bit odd. I would say "who until 2005 was believed to be his brother[37]"
Done.Iry-Hor (talk) 10:06, 18 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "These bears appear in association with 12 red-painted one-handled jars from Syria and are thus likely to constitute a tribute." "thus likely to constitute a tribute" seems a non-sequitur and needs explaining.
Explained. I wrote "These bears appear in association with 12 red-painted one-handled jars from Syria. The Egyptologists Karin Sowada and William Stevenson Smith have proposed that, taken together, the bears and jars are likely to constitute a tribute." Readers can then go to the 2 sources to read the argument, which I didn't include in the article because it only shifts the reasoning to another problem. Indeed, the argument of the sources is essentially that "typical" tributes at the time could comprise exotic animals and other exotic goods (wood, stones, metals etc.) as well as food that could endure the journey (wine, oil, honey etc.), slaves and possibly other miscellaneous items. A detailed explanation of what constituted tributes in Ancient societies is beyond the scope of the present article.Iry-Hor (talk) 10:06, 18 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Trade contacts with Byblos certainly took place during Sahure's reign and indeed excavations of the temple of Baalat-Gebal yielded an alabaster bowl inscribed with Sahure's name." I would delete the words "certainly" and "indeed".
Done.Iry-Hor (talk) 10:06, 18 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In his last year on the throne" Why "on the throne"? There does not seem to be any suggestion that he abdicated or was deposed. Ditto " In his last year of reign", which is also ungrammatical.
Fixed ok fixed everywhere, but why on earth is "In his last year of reign" ungrammatical ?Iry-Hor (talk) 10:06, 18 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think "In the last year of his reign" would be grammatically correct". Dudley Miles (talk) 11:54, 18 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • " 80,000 measures of myrrh", "6000 units of turquoise". What quantity are "measures" and "units"? If this is not known, you should say so.
Done, the measuring unit is not specified in the source nor in the ancient document. I guess it was obvious to the ancient Egyptians. I wrote "80,000 of an unspecified measure of ...".Iry-Hor (talk) 10:06, 18 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "This expedition, also mentioned by the Palermo stone,[6] brought back over 6000 units of turquoise to Egypt[61] and also produced two reliefs in Sinai, one of which shows Sahure in the traditional act of smiting Asiatics[12] and boasting "The Great God smites the Asiatics of all countries".[82] In parallel with these activities, diorite quarries near Abu Simbel were also exploited throughout Sahure's reign." The word "also" appears three times in two lines.
Fixed.Iry-Hor (talk) 10:06, 18 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Libyans Tjemehu". This is the only mention of Tjemehu in English Wikipedia, although according to the German wiki it was a northern Libyan country which was an enemy to Egypt. A few words of explanation would be helpful. Also why the plural Libyans and why is Tjemehu in italics?
Explanation added, so I wrote a few words about Tjemehu. The concept and level of organization of what we understand today as a country did not exist at the time (with the possible exception of Egypt itself), and in many cases even the term kingdom would be inappropriate (e.g. with bands of raider nomads typical in the western desert). Nonetheless, Egyptians did refer to Tjemehu as a geographic entity (as opposed to a people), so I wrote "Lybians from Tjemehu, a land possibly located in the northern Western desert". The word is given in italic because it is an Ancient Egyptian term.Iry-Hor (talk) 10:06, 18 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Nonetheless, several overseers of the Western Nile Delta region were nominated by Sahure, a peculiar decision as these officials occupied an administrative position that existed only irregularly during the Old Kingdom period and which likely served to provide "traffic regulation across the Egypto-Libyan border"." I do not understand why the decision was "peculiar".
Fixed Sources here stress the unusual or at least not self-evident nature of Sahure's decision. This administrative post was not one that existed all the time and was filled as soon as the previous office holder died or was given other responsibilities. Instead, the post existed only because of a specific personal decision of the king who must thus have had a specific intent when doing so. Furthermore not so many kings took that same decision. In all cases however, there is a strong correlation with military or merchant activity along the western border of the Nile delta. I wrote "significant" instead of "peculiar" to convery these ideas.Iry-Hor (talk) 10:06, 18 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The annal record that" This is ungrammatical and what "annal" is referred to here?
Fixed, it is the royal annal on the Parlermo stone and its Cairo fragments. This is how sources routinely call this historical record: "a royal annal", I don't know why they call it so if this is ungrammatical ? Anyway, I wrote "... Palermo stone are religious in nature. This royal annal records ... " to clarify the link between both sentences.Iry-Hor (talk) 10:06, 18 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • I meant that grammatically it should be "records" not "record" Dudley Miles (talk) 11:54, 18 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He notably added an entrance portico with four columns to her temple, so that the entrance was not facing Userkaf's pyramid anymore." I would delete "notably".
Done.Iry-Hor (talk) 10:06, 18 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Dudley Miles, I am looking forward to it ! And thanks for helping out by reviewing this nomination.Iry-Hor (talk) 10:06, 18 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "On the administration of religious activities, " I would delete this as awkward and superfluous.
Done.Iry-Hor (talk) 09:27, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • " are the "first definite depictions of seagoing ships in Egypt" (Shelley Wachsmann)," I would prefer "are described by Shelley Wachsmann as the "first definite depictions of seagoing ships in Egypt" "
Done.Iry-Hor (talk) 09:27, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the masts employed at the time were bipodal" bipodal needs explanation. This is the only example of the use of the word in Wikipedia.
Done, explanation added, such masts resemble an inverted Y letter.Iry-Hor (talk) 09:27, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "paddling in a wave pattern" What is a wave pattern in this context?
Their paddles follow a sinusoidal pattern. I don't see how to better describe this. This is also how the sources state it and having seen the relief this is exactly what this says.Iry-Hor (talk) 09:27, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "first rhinologist" Maybe "first known rhinologist"
Done.Iry-Hor (talk) 09:27, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "that a false door be made for his tomb" Sahure's tomb or the physician's?
Clarified, the false door was for the physician's tomb.Iry-Hor (talk) 09:27, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In response to this change, the state administration began its expansion." This is a non-sequitur.
Explained. I wrote "In response to this change, the state administration began its expansion as it included more and more non royal people". There is a logical connection between both facts: the rule that royal princes couldn't hold the highest office meant that non-royals had to fill it. At the same time, princes were given honorific priestly and other charges, which meant more administration. Subsequently, non-royal saw their charges broken up into several offices, which permitted more people to benefit from titles which were connected with social position in Ancient Egypt. By the late 5th Dynasty, the resulting multiplication of offices had led to a large bloated administration which was reformed into a more decentralized form.Iry-Hor (talk) 09:27, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Khaba Sahura (Ḫˁ-bʒ Sʒḥw Rˁ)" I would delete the symbols. You do not give them for other buildings and they do not look like ancient Egyption writing.
In footnote. These are transliteration symbols, used by all modern Egyptologists to write ancient Egyptian after reading hieroglyphs but before decipherment. I will add them for the other buildings once/if I can find them.Iry-Hor (talk) 09:27, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • I would still delete. The symbols mean nothing to readers unless you add the explanation above and that would be outside the scope of the article. Dudley Miles (talk) 10:59, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Ok deleted. In any case this information is indeed only tangentially relevant to the present article.Iry-Hor (talk) 11:39, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The builders and artisans who worked on Sahure's mortuary complex lived in an enclosed pyramid town located next to Sahure's causeway." Next to the temple causeway"?
Done I wrote "located next to the causeway leading up to Sahure's pyramid and mortuary temple".Iry-Hor (talk) 09:27, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In terms of size and volume, the main pyramid of the complex exemplifies the decline of pyramid building." This is awkward and a bit misleading. How about "The pyramid was smaller than those of his predecessor but superior in quality." It is still misleading to say that it exempifies the decline. Maybe "The pyramid was smaller than those of its predecessors and the
Clarified. I clarified that the sentence refers to the pyramid, not the accompanying complex. The pyramid was of bad quality as you underline below. It was small, built with cheap methods and fared very badly over time. The word "decline" is used explicitely in a source for these reasons. Only the architecture and decoration of the surrounding temples were superior and remained without equal in the eyes of the Egyptians.Iry-Hor (talk) 09:27, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "So much so that these reliefs represent, as Miroslav Bárta writes," Again too wordy. Maybe "Miroslav Bárta describes the reliefs as"
Done.Iry-Hor (talk) 09:27, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • For clarity, I would change "throughout the accompanying complex" to "in other parts of the complex" Dudley Miles (talk) 10:59, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed you are right, this is clearer.Iry-Hor (talk) 11:39, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Done.Iry-Hor (talk) 09:27, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Dudley Miles all fixed.Iry-Hor (talk) 09:27, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "who were buried in saff tombs" What is saff? It is not in dictionaries except as an obsolete spelling of save.
Explained "Saff" ("row" in arabic) tombs are a special kind of tomb existing only in the Theban necropolis. Saff tombs comprise an open courtyard fronting a row of entrances into corridors and chambers dug directly into the hillsides in El-Tarif and Deir el-Bahari.Iry-Hor (talk) 19:21, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Sahure's was the recipient of a funerary cult" I do not understand this. Safure's what?
Fixed, it was meant to be "Sahure" also I clarified the sentence to "Sahure was the object of a funerary cult..."Iry-Hor (talk) 19:21, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Khabauptah hem priest of Sahure" Does this mean that his name was Khabauptah hem or he was a hem priest. If the first hem should be capitalised and if the second you need to explain hem priest.
Changed it is "hem priest", "hem" means servant in Egyptian. Such priests had to take care of the god they were serving like dressing his statues and feeding them etc. I simply removed this as this is a level of detail that is not required.Iry-Hor (talk) 19:21, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • mastaba should be linked.
Done.Iry-Hor (talk) 19:21, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • You are inconsistent how dates are shown in the bibliography. Do you have the bot which fixes this? Dudley Miles (talk) 17:27, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Dudley Miles no I don't have the bot. How can I get it and what is the issue with the formatting ?Iry-Hor (talk) 19:21, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • You sometimes use 2015-04-02 and other times February 10, 2015. Ian Rose Can you advise on where to find the bot? Dudley Miles (talk) 19:47, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Dudley Miles Fixed throughout, by hand.Iry-Hor (talk) 17:04, 21 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Support Comments from Tim riley[edit]

I expect to be supporting the promotion of this fine article, but first I have a few points about the prose. The most important is the mixture of BrE and AmE spellings. Except in quotations you should stick to one or the other throughout, but at present we have BrE archaeological, meagre, moulding, recognised, specialised and splendour alongside Am E archeological, archeologist, colored, honored, specialized and splendor. If memory serves me, English is not the nominator's mother tongue and I should be happy to make all the spellings BrE or AmE, whichever is preferred, if that would be helpful. Once this point is cleared out of the way I have a few, not very important, individual points on the prose, but more of them anon. – Tim riley talk 16:02, 22 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Tim riley Thanks for your inputs, I have changed all instances of BrE that you have raised to AmE (except in the bibliography that is, since the sources' titles cannot be changed). Of course, feel free to update to AmE any BrE I might have missed. I am looking forward to your further comments.Iry-Hor (talk) 18:34, 22 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Fine. A few minor drafting points:
  • AmE/BrE – I believe Americans spell "artefacts" as "artifacts" (God knows why). There are four of them in the article.
Done.Iry-Hor (talk) 12:14, 23 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • Does Egyptology/ist have a capital letter or not? At present we have three capitalised and two not in the text and notes. As you capitalise "Hellenized" it would seem logical to capitalise Egyptology/ist, but consistency is the main thing.
Done capitalized throughout.Iry-Hor (talk) 12:14, 23 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the lead I don't think "Sahure's splendor soars up to heaven" should be italicised as well as in quotes – just the latter would be in line with the MoS as I understand it.
Done the only italicised things left are the Ancient Egyptian words.Iry-Hor (talk) 12:14, 23 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Taken together these informations indicate" – you can't say "these informations" in AmE (or any other English known to me). It's either "this information" tout court, "these pieces of information" or "these facts" or some such.
Fixed thanks! I do remember being told that by an English teacher already...Iry-Hor (talk) 12:14, 23 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • The {{cquote}} pull-quote for "Hail to thee, O Sahure! God of the living, we behold thy beauty!" is contrary to MOS:BQ, I think (though it's far from clear), but if nobody complains I'd leave it there and hope for the best. But it really shouldn't be italicised as well as given the pull-quote layout. The same goes for the "nostrils" quote, later in the text.
Fixed Ok so I propose to change the italic font to normal font, but would really like to keep the pull-quote, which I find nice looking.Iry-Hor (talk) 12:14, 23 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
I entirely agree, but let's not tell anybody. Tim riley talk 19:54, 23 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "with the notable exceptions of those of the highest ranking members" – as "highest-ranking" is used as a compound attributive adjective, it should be hyphenated.
Done.Iry-Hor (talk) 12:14, 23 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the southern coast of modern day Turkey" – ditto for "modern-day"
Done in all instances.Iry-Hor (talk) 12:14, 23 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "these numbers are over-estimates" – I can't speak for AmE, but the Oxford English Dictionary doesn't hyphenate "overestimate".
Done.Iry-Hor (talk) 12:14, 23 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Those are my meagre gleanings. I'll look in again to add my support after you've had time to consider them. – Tim riley talk 11:54, 23 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you Tim riley!Iry-Hor (talk) 12:14, 23 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Supporting. Another top-notch article on Ancient Egypt from this editor. It is evidently comprehensive, balanced, admirably readable, well illustrated and impressively referenced. Meets the FA criteria in my view. Tim riley talk 19:54, 23 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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