Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Kenora Thistles/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Ian Rose via FACBot (talk) 08:32, 14 October 2018 [1].

Kenora Thistles[edit]

Nominator(s): Kaiser matias (talk) 17:21, 4 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

The smallest city to ever win a championship in North America, the Kenora Thistles are more a footnote in terms of modern hockey. Due to the small size of the city they have been subject to multiple scholarly articles, which is both unusual for a hockey team and forms the bulk of the sources here. One concern during the GAC was how to layout the article properly, in that the Stanley Cup challenges sections are in a peculiar section, and I'm still not sure how to feel about it. So any comments are appreciated. Kaiser matias (talk) 17:21, 4 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Tony1[edit]

It's not a city, is it.

Lead, 1a:

  • Will any readers want to hit the link to both Kenora and Ontario? I'd just link the most specific, which itself will have a link to the province.
  • Fancy calling a town "Rat Portage".
  • I trip over the ands: "They won the Cup in January 1907 and defended it that March, and lost it later that month in a challenge series, and disbanded in 1908."
  • "and were the winner from the introduction of the Cup in 1893 until 1912 to not be from Montreal, Winnipeg, or Ottawa." Huh?
  • "Four homegrown players and five other players have been inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame" -> "Nine players—four of them homegrown—have been inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame"
  • Final comma in quote: should be between the closing quote and the ref tag (see MOS).
  • "Combined with economic downturn in 1907, the team was unable to sustain its success, and disbanded in 1908." This is a train-wreck. What is combined with what? If it's a reference to the previous proposition, both this and the preceding sentence need to be reworked.
  • MOS breach in the infobox: closed range dashes, please.
  • "Manitoba-Ontario provincial border"—en dash. It's under the edit-box.
  • parentheses within parentheses?
  • "However the closer proximity to Winnipeg (roughly 210 kilometres (130 mi) away) and the rest of Manitoba meant Rat Portage remained focused towards the west rather than east towards the rest of Ontario, where the closest city was Port Arthur (now Thunder Bay) (500 kilometres (310 mi))." I'm bracketed out. Closer distance. Do you need "roughly"? Do you need "remained"? toward is good without the es. "had closer relations with the west than with the rest of Ontario to the east, where ...". Away, then no away.

The issues occur too densely. I suggest Withdraw, rework, and resubmit. Can you attract a few good copy-editors from the wikiproject? Tony (talk) 05:57, 6 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for going over it, I'll take some time to look it over based on this in the next day or so. And with respect, I'd prefer to have some other reviews here before its withdrawn/archived, as I honestly haven't had much success with other options on other articles. Kaiser matias (talk) 18:46, 6 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]
As promised I went through the article again and copyedited it, trying to trim some wording and so on. Kaiser matias (talk) 00:52, 11 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Tony, given I hadn't picked up on your withdrawal recommendation, and the nom has ce'd, would you be able to perhaps spotcheck some prose in the body of the article and see what you think now? Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 01:25, 13 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Random spot-check of three adjacent sentences:

  • "Again played in Ottawa, this time in a best-of-three series, the Thistles were much more respected by the media compared to 1903, regarded as "serious contenders for the Cup"."
  • "Attendance for the series further highlighted the heightened status of the team, with the games having between 3,500 and 4,000 spectators, and hundreds more waiting outside; there were also thousands across who congregated to hear live telegraph reports of the games."
  • "There was also considerable mention of the home-grown nature of the team, which was becoming rare as ice hockey teams began to use professionals."

All train-wrecks: multiple weirdnesses. The least unsatisafactory is the third one. "mention" by whom? Those congregating? "that the team was home-grown". "was becoming ... began" (grammar needs to be parallel); is a because "as" or a while "as"? Tony (talk) 08:12, 13 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Coord note[edit]

Based on Tony's follow-up above I think we should take this out of the FAC list for the moment and get some outside assistance on the prose. It doesn't look like it's had a Peer Review either so that -- perhaps aided by notices to sports-related projects and editors -- might be another step before renominating here. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 08:31, 14 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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