User talk:Chw2022/sandbox

Grammar

When I read your sandbox, the paragraphs looked okay at best. However, I noticed you listed the train stations without the word "first" when you said "the southern most station..." Also, the second "j" in NJ should be capitalized, but I get you didn't have time. I was also about to say you added "Lindenwold" twice, but that is already fine. Plus, change the sentence "the PATCO Speedline is running to 24 hours day" to "the PATCO Speedline runs for 24 hours per day" so it can give off a piece of clear information. Also, capitalize "speedline" when it is near the word PATCO. Shower$56 (talk) 18:57, 8 April 2024 (UTC)

Some minor grammar issues in your second milestone, nothing crazy--some words need a capital letter (like New [j]ersey). I'm sure these will be cleared up with a quick read-over before you post on main space. Otherwise, great stuff. Your sentences are easy to read and straight forward. Maybe a tad bit of repetitive language at the end of the first paragraph, but that's just nitpicking. Laura Leezy (talk) 19:06, 22 April 2024 (UTC)

Citations

It looks like you have fine citations, so they look normal. However, don't forget to add links to other Wikipedia articles. From what I saw, you had River Line, Trenton, and PATCO Speedline with them. Also, the Camden Aquarium is called Adventure Aquarium, and that should be have a link to its titular article. Additionally, the names of the towns you mentioned should allow have links. Shower$56 (talk) 19:13, 8 April 2024 (UTC)

Nice amount of citations! It's been tough for me to get more than one for a full paragraph lol! Laura Leezy (talk) 19:14, 22 April 2024 (UTC)

Structure

After I first read the sandbox, it was okay. However, I would say that it looks a bit short. I might say from the looks of things, it was even rushed. I would say to start over, but we are way past that. It is better to keep going at what you are talking about but go at it with a more smooth pace. At the same time, make your next statements clean and add more words. Shower$56 (talk) 19:18, 8 April 2024 (UTC)

Paragraph lengths look appropriate and they're set up in an accessible way for the reader, nice job. I'm curious to see how and where you'll arrange the stuff that already exists on the transportation section. Since we don't really want to be taking anything away, will you sandwich the sentences that are pre-existing on main space? Don't want to get too repetitive there. Laura Leezy (talk) 19:09, 22 April 2024 (UTC)

Neutrality of Language

The sandbox you have done looks to be at a professional level. I have seen many Wikipedia articles even before making my own account, and this looks okay. Like I said for the article's structure, it feels short and rushed. I would say take your time with this piece; remember what you are doing and why. Shower$56 (talk) 00:52, 9 April 2024 (UTC)

Knowledge

To take away from this, the article proves to show you can adapt to making a full article. You were able to show what you learned about the city's transportation. I liked how added facts about the PATCO Speedline. For example, when you said that it goes throughout New Jersey to Philadelphia, I thought that was impressive. Also, I liked that you said it runs for 24 hours, which is common for more businesses more or less. The point is, despite some flaws, the article has shown some facts I never know about the Speedline. Although, it could be more longer with more facts about it if you can. All the while, maybe add a few notes and one final showing that feels as if you are ending the article. If you do that, it will look better than it is now.Shower$56 (talk) 18:49, 10 April 2024 (UTC)

Grammar/Structure

"Since its opening the River line was running 24-hours a day, but switched in 2010 to no servive after 10pm. Fares are priced at $1.70 and are stamped by an employee when boarding the train and fare evasion carries a fine of up to $100."

- I believe this sentence should be rewritten to read "At its inception the Riverline ran 24-hours a day until 2010..."

I agree with the comment above regarding this line changing from "the PATCO Speedline is running to 24 hours day" to "the PATCO Speedline runs for 24 hours per day." I feel like this would create agreement in the tenses you've written in and will be the least amount of work to have that agreement present.

Overall, this is very well written and because the transportation systems here are so important I believe that this is definitely notable information. Harleiquill (talk) 17:46, 17 April 2024 (UTC)

History?

If you're looking for further avenues of research, I would maybe suggest including a brief history section to set the scene of public transport in Camden. I know there's some interesting info surrounding Camden's railroad systems. Also, providing a slightly more chronological order of your info could be helpful to the reader and overall flow. I see your dates jumping a bit, not sure if your ordering in the sandbox will be your final structure. Laura Leezy (talk) 19:13, 22 April 2024 (UTC)

Notability

You definitely have information here that is valuable to the general public. As we know, public transit in the U.S. as a whole can be quite a confusing mess. It's nice to see a description that is a clear cut and easy to read and doesn't have a cloudy nature to it. I think a map or two of the transit lines would be great in this section! Laura Leezy (talk) 19:18, 22 April 2024 (UTC)