User talk:Biotech46/1913sandbox

@Elysia (Wiki Ed):I am ready for you to do a review. I will continue working on some edits, though. Please note that I will incorporate some of the existing "Background" section after I move my edits to the mainspace. However, the rest of it will be going in to replace what is currently there. Once I've moved everything (after your review), I will continue to make additional edits and correct citation formats. I think that it would be good to try that Rp template you mentioned, since there are a lot of repeated uses of the principle sources.--Biotech46 (talk) 18:40, 17 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Feedback[edit]

Hi @Biotech46: thanks for letting me know that you're ready for feedback!

instead of Many blacks (male and female)... I think you should say "Black men and women" or "Black women and men"
Good job of referring to people by their surnames.
Her method would be a non-violent message that could be considered inflammatory I'm unsure what you mean by "could be considered inflammatory". Can you clarify this to make sure it doesn't come across as weasel-words (MOS:WEASEL). Essentially, who considered it inflammatory? You should include that detail so people don't think that this is a conclusion you reached on your own and inserted
Watch out for contractions (MOS:CONTRACT)
Titles of sections or subsections should be in sentence case, meaning that only the first letter of the first word is capitalized (as well as proper nouns) (MOS:SECTIONCAPS)
watch out for cliches and figures of speech (incoming president Woodrow Wilson would be put on notice)
this comes across as original research (WP:OR) Given Paul's Quaker upbringing, it's doubtful she considered herself to be racist.... In encyclopedic writing, we have to stay away from conjecture and assumptions and only include what is verified with reliable sources.
- Similar to above with He then offered platitudes assuring he would consider the matter without ever seeming to do so. He even asserted that he had no influence over congressional agendas, though his actions revealed that he did so for issues he considered important. This is straying from neutral point of view in your tone, so be careful that you are using neutral language.
I see lots of good use of citations, which is always welcome on Wikipedia
- No citation here though As the parade participants gathered near the Peace Monument around noon, the police began roping off part of the parade route. The ropes would quickly be torn down by the teeming crowds. In general it's a red flag for a section or a paragraph to end without a citation
- no citation here It took until 1918 for Wilson to finally change his stance on the suffrage amendment.
- Eventually the two merged to form the National Woman's Party.
you could link to Iron Jawed Angels
Watch out for overlinking--essentially, if you are going to link to Alice Paul, that should be at the first occurrence and not again after. You can link to something at the first occurrence in the lead and also in the first occurrence of the body (MOS:REPEATLINK) or have duplicate links in photo captions or infoboxes, for example