User:9wubbza

9wubbza (pronounced "wubba": wuh-bah [silent 9 and silent z]) is the only word in the English language with a silent 9 and a silent z. It was discovered by Matthew Peter Greenwood, a pupil of Queen Mary's Grammar School in 2010.

It was estimated in March 2010 that the 9wubbza industry (books, mathematical proofs, videogames, etc.) is worth approximately $19bn per year, 84.5% of which is owned by Matthew Greenwood. However, due to new UK 9wubbza related laws, a 100% tax is imposed on any earnings from 9wubbza, all of which are then re-invested back into the 9wubbza-industry in what is hoped to push the UK mathematics and economy ahead of other countries.^[1]

Origin[edit]

The origin of 9wubbza is shrouded in mystery, however, it is often traced to a faulty bible:

"In the beginning there was the Word, and the Word was 9wubbza."

Stephen Hawking has been quoted (incorrectly) as saying: "9wubbza is you and I mixed together with a dash of existence and doughnut universes. Watagwarn."^[2]

The first known use of the word was by The Buddha when he famously said: "Whenever life troubles you, think only 9wubbza". The first known appearance of it however was in a misprinted version of the Bible in 42A.D., which started The Holy Order of the Knights of 9wubbza.

Meaning[edit]

An adequate (but techinically incorrect) definition of 9wubbza would be "anything", for 9wubbza can mean anything. It is flexible in terms of meaning and context, and as such, giving it a fixed definition would technically be incorrect, for example, in certain contexts 9wubbza can mean 'nothing'.

Another way of putting the meaning of 9wubbza is this definition given by Greenwood himself: "9wubbza means 9wubbza, that's all there really is to it."^[3] This is often cited as the most profound statement ever to have been made by man.

Gramatical use of 9wubbza[edit]

9wubbza can be used as a verb, noun, adjective, adverb, even a conjunctive. A good example of a sentence where 9wubbza is used in several contexts at once is:

The 9wubbza cat 9wubbzad 9wubbza the mat very 9wubbzaly 9wubbza it was very 9wubbza.

Although not the most interesting of sentences it is still gramatically correct.

Mathematical value of 9wubbza[edit]

The numerical value of 9wubbza can be given roughly with $\sqrt 69 e$ .^[4]

{\text{9wubbza}}\,\!\approx 13.695307\dots

9wubbza also has a mathematical abbreviation: "9". This has caused great confusion in the mathematical world and in reflection it was perhaps a bad decision, because as we all know:

{\text{9wubbza}}\,\!^{2}\neq 81

Ironically, this confusion has led to an infamous theorem by Richard Nixon, the Nixon Paradox.

It is also possible to calculate the perfect way to play any gameshow, such as Deal or No Deal, Goldenballs, etc, by manipulating 9wubbza to take into account Noel's Theorem. However, this information has been forcibly witheld by Endemol in a High Court injunction.^[5]

Farfalliano's Theorem[edit]

Lord Jezarbella Farfallianio, a past reincarnation of Sir Isaac Newton who lived in the time of Jesus, put forward an idea about 9wubbza, detailed below.

To prevent confusion in this section, 9wubbza will be referred to as ${\mathit {y}}$ .

Farfalliano's Theorem states that for any given value of ${\mathit {x}}$ :

(xy)^{2}+{\frac {69y}{9}}=42\times {\sqrt[{e}]{\pi (x^{3}+y^{3}) \over 9}}

However, the theorem fails to take into account Plank's constant and can be proved wrong with some clever calculus.

Nixon Paradox[edit]

(Not to be confused with Nixon's Paradox)

Richard Nixon, being a great mathematical mind, put forward a self-proclaimed "brilliant" theory, which he titled the Nixon Paradox^[6], in which:

9\neq 9

Where one "9" referred to "9wubbza", and the other referred to the digit "nine".

Naturally, the theorem was a flop, because the number "9wubbza" had been lost to the ages at that point and nobody knew that it could be represented shorthand as a "9".

However, since the rediscovery of 9wubbza, the Nixon Paradox has been hailed as the finest mathematical work of the 20th Century.

Significance of "69"[edit]

The number 69 crops up a lot when dealing with the mathematics of 9wubbza. The reason for this comes from the fact that 69 has the curious property in that 69² and 69³ use up all the digits 0-9 between them (4761 and 328,529), but the explanation why this makes it relevant is a long-winded explanation.

Exact mathematical value of 9wubbza[edit]

$\sqrt 69 e$ is just a mere approximation of 9wubbza. It is thought that it is impossible to calculate the exact value of 9wubbza, although some historians and mathematicians say that the number 9wubbza is very closely linked to nature and ancient cultures - for example the Ancient Egyptians. When the Ancient Egyptians constructed their pyramids, they tended to use sides in the mathematical proportion of 3:4:5

This meant that the slope, or slant length, would be 5/3, or 1.66... (1.7 to 2 significant figures), very close to the approximation of 9wubbza - 12, or 1.69 (also 1.7 to 2 significant figures).

The significance of this? Ancient Egyptians introduced the idea of a 24 hour clock: 12 hours in the day and 12 hours in the night.^[7]

This is significant proof that the Ancient Egyptians were concious of the presence of 9wubbza.

Myths Surrounding 9wubbza[edit]

Legend has it that an extremely bloody conflict centred around the word was started as soon as the misprinted Bible was set into mass production. At last count, only 44 known 1st edition '9wubbzles' remain, 20 of these residing in the Smithsonian in a locked cellar 20 floors deep. This is because The Holy Order of the Knights of 9wubbza hunted and destroyed as many of them as they could find after they discovered the meaning of the word, reasoning it as an abomination. Who crusaded to find the meaning of the word, and later to destroy it. Legend dictates that this was a subsection of the Knights of the Holy Grail, and that in actual fact, the Holy Grail itself has 9wubbza written on it in Jesus' blood to remind future generations of its significance. According to this legend, the knights would stop at nothing, including genocide, to destroy the books, indicating a terrible secret hidden behind the word.^[8]

Another legend suggests that 9wubbza is some kind of magic spell, although its use can only be speculated upon. This has been postulated as a reason for the purging of the book by the knights. Other postulations include that it is God's real name, it is the ancient hebrew translation of "death", and that it is the name of the daughter of the leader of the knights. This last hypothesis however, is generally frowned upon in most respectable circles.

Hitler and 9wubbza[edit]

It has been suggested by contemporary historians that Adolf Hitler led his Anti-semetic campaign because he believed that the Jews carried the secret to 9wubbza calculations. School reports from Hitler's Catholic School suggested that he was obsessed with the letter e, the number 69, and plant roots. At the age of 15, he went missing for just over thirteen days, turning up in a shed having calculated $\sqrt 69 e$ to 1313 digits.^[9]

It has been suggested that Hitler was an extreme variant of triskaidekaphobia.^[10] Hitler would refuse to be around 24 hour clocks, and at 1:00pm every day (or 13:00 in 24 hour clock time) he would lock himself into a private chamber and continue calculating the decimal places of $\sqrt 69 e$ , continuing off from wherever he got to the previous day. On the thirteenth day of each month, a whole day would be dedicated to this. Hitler always carried a roll of paper around with him, on which $\sqrt 69 e$ would be calculated, in case he failed to get to a private chamber. It was reported that Hitler was able to work out decimal digits of 9wubbza at an exact rate of 69 every 13 minutes.

On the day of his suicide, Hitler's cyanide capsule was reported to be approximately 13 days old, and his Walther PPK a specially adapted model that was 136.9mm long. On the walls of his bunker, $\sqrt 69 e$ had been written out to exactly 6.9 x 10¹³ decimal places.^[11]^[12]

9wubbza Doomsday[edit]

It is also rumoured that the latin roots of the word 9wubbza can be decoded using an apocalypse matrix to calculate the time of Jesus' second coming.^[13] However, because we do not have this apocalypse matrix, we can only speculate on what date could be revealed. It is believed that the Mayans and Greeks stumbled across this apocalypse matrix before it was lost, and that the matrix remains in the city of Atlantis.

Various calculations using 9wubbza-base form have worked out the end of the world as:

September 1st, 1939
May 6th, 1953
September 14th, 1993
May 2nd, 1997
September 11th, 2001

While the exact date of the end of the world is not certain, one thing is: it will either be in May or September.

Lord 9wubbzamort[edit]

It is believed that at the end of the world, Lord 9wubbzamort will descend from Hell (somehow, even though Hell is beneath the Earth) and wreak 9wubbza (in this context a horrific torture) upon those who are unable to recite the approximation of 9wubbza to more than 69 decimal places.

References[edit]

^ p.155, "The 9wubbza Tax Reform report", by Alistair Darling
^ The Stephen Hawking Convention 2010, Seattle
^ p.712, "The Many Musings of a Genius", by Paul Fletcher
^ "Calculating Greatness", by Johann Sargass
^ Kangaroo Court, Case 42, 12/1/10
^ "The Nixon Paradox!", by Richard Nixon
^ http://africanhistory.about.com/od/egyptology/a/EgyptFatherOfTime_2.htm
^ p.55, "9wubbza, and All That Jazz", by Magnus Dröfel Eriksson
^ p.194, "Der Kampf von Hitler", by Friedrich Heissler
^ p.8142, "9wubbzaphobia", by Mikan J. Clarké
^ p.922, "Der Kampf von Hitler", by Friedrich Heissler
^ p.6, "9wubbzaphobia", by Mikan J. Clarké
^ p.1142, "9wubbzaphobia", by Mikan J. Clarké

[1] .155, "The 9wubbza Tax Reform report", by Alistair Darling

[2] The Stephen Hawking Convention 2010, Seattle

[3] .712, "The Many Musings of a Genius", by Paul Fletcher

[4] "Calculating Greatness", by Johann Sargass

[5] Kangaroo Court, Case 42, 12/1/10

[6] "The Nixon Paradox!", by Richard Nixon

[7] ttp://africanhistory.about.com/od/egyptology/a/EgyptFatherOfTime_2.htm

[8] .55, "9wubbza, and All That Jazz", by Magnus Dröfel Eriksson

[9] .194, "Der Kampf von Hitler", by Friedrich Heissler

[10] .8142, "9wubbzaphobia", by Mikan J. Clarké

[11] .922, "Der Kampf von Hitler", by Friedrich Heissler

[12] .6, "9wubbzaphobia", by Mikan J. Clarké

[13] .1142, "9wubbzaphobia", by Mikan J. Clarké

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