Template:Did you know nominations/Team Syachihoko

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Round symbols for illustrating comments about the DYK nomination The following is an archived discussion of Team Syachihoko's DYK nomination. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page; such as this archived nomination"s (talk) page, the nominated article's (talk) page, or the Did you knowDYK comment symbol (talk) page. Unless there is consensus to re-open the archived discussion here. No further edits should be made to this page. See the talk page guidelines for (more) information.

The result was: promoted by Allen3 talk 15:41, 1 May 2013 (UTC).

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Team Syachihoko[edit]

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Created by Moscowconnection (talk). Self nominated at 22:36, 8 April 2013 (UTC).

  • The article is long enough, new enough and was nominated in time. The hook is misleading, as a musical group can't be the little sister of another musical group, and it should be rewritten both in the article and in the hook. The prose should also be rewritten, to look a little less like WP:PROSELINE. Mentoz86 (talk) 10:59, 20 April 2013 (UTC)
    It is called a "younger sister" in Japanese. It is obvious it is a "sister group", not a real sister. But surely, I will think about a new hook. Please allow me approximately 3 days, I will ask for help from someone else. Yes, the article does look like WP:PROSELINE, I will rewrite it. --Moscow Connection (talk) 16:26, 23 April 2013 (UTC)
You could have a hook like: that Team Syachihoko is Momoiro Clover Z's sister group?, but that isn't really that interesting. Just leave a message here when you feel that you're ready. Mentoz86 (talk) 17:23, 25 April 2013 (UTC)
DYK is not a parking lot. Is this one ready for review or not?—♦♦ AMBER(ЯʘCK) 19:47, 29 April 2013 (UTC)
More or less, but i hesitated to reply here because I don't like it. Sorry. I am going to work on the page for 4–5 hours straight now. I will report afterwards. I have a hook ready, I will post it now. --Moscow Connection (talk) 16:32, 30 April 2013 (UTC)
  • I would like to start off with a compliment: I found zero instances of promotional language, marking a huge leap forward from your last DYK nomination. Good job! Having said that, there are some issues that need to be addressed.
  • "6 schoolgirls" that should be "six schoolgirls" as per F6
  • "the youngest of the three".that sentence confuses me; is Team Syachihoko or Shiritsu etc. the youngest of the three? Please rephrase for clarity
  • There are many unreferenced sentences
  • Please resolve these! —♦♦ AMBER(ЯʘCK) 10:09, 1 May 2013 (UTC)
    I've changed "6" to "six". There were actually no unreferenced sentences. I've just added (copy-pasted) a couple of reference tags to show that. But the first 90% of the paragraph starting with "During the Nagoya tour" are sourced from one source (see the Google translation: [1]). The paragraph wouldn't look good if I added the same reference after every sentence. --Moscow Connection (talk) 10:53, 1 May 2013 (UTC)
--Moscow Connection (talk) 10:53, 1 May 2013 (UTC)
Comment: I used a piped link for "Shiritsu Ebisu Chugaku" cause it is easier to read without a diacritic and they wrote it like that in the music video for "Ume". I would have renamed the article already, but it won't move over a redirect. --Moscow Connection (talk) 11:05, 1 May 2013 (UTC)
for ALT1a.'—♦♦ AMBER(ЯʘCK) 11:32, 1 May 2013 (UTC)
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