Template:Did you know nominations/Battle of Asakai

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The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Coffeeandcrumbs (talk) 06:58, 20 June 2020 (UTC)

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Battle of Asakai

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Created by 3family6 with help from User:Reidgreg, self-nominated at 17:15, 15 May 2020 (UTC).

  • @3family6: I've made a slight change to the hook explaining that it took place in Eve Online, though for now I'll leave the review to another editor. I'm not sure though if Eve Online or the battle's name should be mentioned first in the hook. Narutolovehinata5 tccsdnew 13:11, 18 May 2020 (UTC)
  • QPQ done, new enough, long enough. Hook needs some copy-editing. The lead is too long, and very confusing. I might suggest discussing more of hy this article is relevant, and less on the detail. --evrik (talk) 04:22, 7 June 2020 (UTC)
  • Evrik, how do the lead and the hook look now?
  • Why did the misclick lead to the large game? Your current article lead could be an article in itself. It should be copyedit to shorten it. It doesn't have to be so granular. --evrik (talk) 04:01, 8 June 2020 (UTC)
  • Alt1 that in Eve Online, the Battle of Asakai grew to one of the largest online battles after a single player made an accidental move that opened the game to 3,000 other players? --evrik (talk) 03:53, 9 June 2020 (UTC)
  • ALT1 reads much better. I removed the comma after the bolded link. Yoninah (talk) 11:20, 9 June 2020 (UTC)
  • What confuses me about ALT1 is the phrase "opened the game"—to me that means that they'd done something to allow 3000 players previously barred from joining by some game rule or software exclusion to suddenly be able to join, rather than a mis-click that caused a strategic shift and resulted in an extended battle that attracted increasing numbers of players (which was also helped along by a new time-stretching feature that allowed more people to pile on). I'm not sure how to rephrase it, though. BlueMoonset (talk) 14:12, 9 June 2020 (UTC)
  • How about:
Alt1a that in Eve Online, the Battle of Asakai grew to one of the largest online battles after a single player made an accidental move that escalated the conflict to include 3,000 other players? --3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 15:08, 9 June 2020 (UTC)
  • I still think the lead is too dense. --evrik (talk) 16:38, 9 June 2020 (UTC)
  • As i said earlier, there is too much information and details in the lead. --evrik (talk) 19:33, 9 June 2020 (UTC)
  • I don't know how there can be less and still have the lead summarize the battle. I modeled the lead after how military conflict articles are written.--3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 02:12, 10 June 2020 (UTC)
  • I'm going to approve Alt1a, but I think the article could benefit from copy-edting. --evrik (talk) 03:38, 11 June 2020 (UTC)
  • @Evrik: please don't approve articles that you think need copy-editing. You're just leaving it up to the promoter to have to copyedit the thing. Already I see a sentence at the beginning of a section that has no commas or hyphens and is hard to parse: EVE Online is a persistent world massively multiplayer online role playing space trading and combat game. Ask the nominator to submit it to WP:GOCE before approval. Thanks, Yoninah (talk) 17:42, 15 June 2020 (UTC)
  • I've tried some copy-editing myself, but I need a different pair of eyes on this to catch more. I've put in a request.--3family6 (Talk to me | See what I have done) 22:50, 15 June 2020 (UTC)
    • I took a run at copy editing the article, and left notes on the talk page. It looked to be pretty good, just a little smoothing from a fresh set of eyes. – Reidgreg (talk) 19:12, 19 June 2020 (UTC)
  • --evrik (talk) 19:22, 19 June 2020 (UTC)
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