Talk:Single parent/Archive 1

2003-6

Early talk

"A single mother is a mother with one or more children and neither married, nor living together (mother than ever lived with somebody and not in the time one is referencing to, are linked mother)."

Can anyone translate this for me? Or would I be the only user unable to understand it? KF 16:44 18 May 2003 (UTC)

I don't understand either. Sorry one that added but we have to remove that if most of people seem not understand well. -- Taku 18:44 18 May 2003 (UTC)

Can anyone tell me for certain if a divorced parent sharing custody 50% of the time can call themselves a Single Parent? --171.159.64.10 19:23, 1 Apr 2005 (UTC)

Do they have a parenting partner or not? That would be the relevant question. Divorce indicates that they are no longer in a parenting partnership with the other biological parent. The person in question is a parent, and if they are doing this without a parenting partner then they are a single parent, although a part-time one. Note: new sexual partner is not automatically a new parenting partner -Unsigned

Abuse

"According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, single mothers abuse their children more than double the rate of single fathers."

This is completely incorrect -- the statistics the article cites (http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cb/publications/cm01/figure4_4.htm) shows that a significant majority of mistreated children were victimized by "mothers who acted alone," as opposed to both parents abusing them. These numbers have *nothing* to do with the marital status of the perpetrators of child abuse. I'm going to remove that sentence and the link. -Unsigned

Opening Paragraph

"BABY MAMA" is a modern day colloquialism often used negatively to denote "foul-play" by the mother. The inclusion of such a term further facilitates malice and jeopardizes the well being, more often than not, provided by the mother in the first place. The phrase does not uplift, support, or add any greater good, and is better left alone!" DNC "A single parent is a parent with one or more children, who is neither married, nor living together with his or her partner". 'Neither married' - What has the parent's maritial status got to do with whether they are a single parent or not? I intend to remove this phrase as it is irrelevant.

As to : "Some individuals choose to become parents out of wedlock through natural or artificial insemination or adoption". This is awfully clumsy - 'natural insemination'!! Why not just accept that 'wedlock' is not a pre-requiste for partenthood, indeed it is increasingly unusual in many societies.

Markb 09:24, 28 December 2005 (UTC)

A single parent cannot be married to anyone or living together with anyone or they would not be a single parent they would either be a blended family of they would be commonlaw partners. Look at any sociology of the family textbook. EH

"This whole article is horrible. It is a disgrace to the mothers and fathers who have raised wonderful and brilliant children who don't commit crimes. Single parents deserve a better article than this." MK

Wow, this entire article is clearly biased, poorly researched, has no worldview or wide spectrum, and for all intents and purposes, written by a men's rights activists. I hope someone takes this disgrace of an article down and writes up an entirely new (and factual) one. -Unsigned

Wedlock

There seems to be some confusion between wedlock and single parenthood, e.g. "There are also signs that children out of wedlock or that have gone through a divorce". The author assumes that children out of wedlock do not live with their parents. I'm going to try and tidy some of this up,but would appreciate others to review my efforts. Markb 09:51, 28 December 2005 (UTC)

Modern phenomenon

"in 1900 13% of Canadian families were single parent ones; in 1996 the number was 14%"

Does anyone see a problem with what the article states here? 1% is not significant. I would not be surprised if one or both were not factually accurate statistics anyway since the consensus is that there are more divorces nowadays in western countries. This should probably be changed (the article, not the divorce rate).AEuSoes1 07:27, 17 January 2006 (UTC)

The 14% figure may be never-married single mums. -Unsigned

Actually I suspect the figure is correct. Single parents are not a new phenomenon at all- in the past there was much more chance of one parent dying early. Certainly through most of the twentieth century there were a lot of single parents- the first world war, second world war and numerous other factors led to that. Both my grandparents were raised by single mothers because their fathers died in WW1. I grew up in a single parent family because my father died in a car accident. I'm digressing a bit now, but I think this article does have too much emphasis on divorce and could do with some perspective like that- bereavement is a common reason too. Oh, and yeah, this article is pretty negative, which is seriously uncalled for. 86.2.38.112 (talk) 21:24, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

POV content on "truth about single parenting"

The following has been moved here as it was not NPOV but possibly has useful content that could be added back in a NPOV manner:

The above articles represent critical thinking regarding Single Parent housholds as it was perceived over thirty years ago, and relies on extremely outmoded data which is quite obviously biased against single mother households. If you note the references tehy give, not one is newer than 1992, with the exception of a remodeled one done in 2003.

Let us consider the facts of a study monitored for many years by the very respectable Cornell University. For instance, the main researcher, Henry Ricciuiti says, "Overall, we find little or no evidence of systematic negative effects of single parenthood on children, regardless of how long they have lived with a single parent during the previous six years." Dr. Ricciuti is a professor emeritus of human development in the College of Human Ecology.

You may read the entire article here.

There is massive evidence that the 'facts' of fatherlessness were complete lies created by father's rights organizations. Absolutely none of the statistics that are quoted in the above section (titled single mother, single father)can be shown to be true. There is a fascinating article which completely debunks the myths. The first section is a list of the myths, so read beyond that to the debunking section. Each and every tale of misery and woe for the children of single-parent households has been proven to be absolutely a lie, except that it is true that children in single-father homes are more likely to use drugs, 163% more likely to be physically abused, and more likely to marry very, very early.

Please read for yourself here, and note ALL the REAL research that went into it:

Growing Up with a Single Mother

This is by far the most common instance of single parenting; in the U.S.A single mothers outnumber single fathers nine to one. The problems that single mothers face are that they have a harder time providing for their families because women generally have lower paying jobs. So, they have all the problems that lower income families have, but they have to raise a child on top of it. Even though women face greater financial problems, they tend to be more nurturing to the child by telling them they love them, hugging them, and showing affection towards them. There is a book by Peggy Dexler called, “Raising Boys Without Men”. Dexler is a graduate of Stanford University in the U.S.A. and received a PhD in gender studies. She claims in this book that children would be better raised by lesbian couples or single mothers, rather than having any father in their life. She writes that without a father, children will be emotionally stronger, have a wider range of interests and friendships, and are more at ease during conflicts.

Drexler's book is more advocacy than it is research. It is a self-selected group which she studies, she sees only what she wants to see and finds creative ways to re-interpret the fact that some of the children whom she observes explicity pine for a dad. One could logically conclude from her book that the very worst situation for a boy would be to have two fathers raising him-- an argument against gay male couples who adopt. But fortunately, it's only straight men who Drexler has a problem with.

Some positive things that may be associated with being a single mother is that opposed to males they usually have a more extensive support system. They are often closer to friends and families who can help them through tough times and even be there to support the mother in raising her children. The negative effects are that because the woman makes less money, she has to work longer hours, which leaves her with less time for her child.

Growing Up with a Single Father

In the U.S.A. fathers make up about 13% of single parents. These days fathers, married or single, have been changing their roles in the family setting. Today, they can be found more in helping kids in a classroom setting, they are involved in house chores, they help out in the kitchen and other previously considered “mother” roles. Before this, fathers just were not socialized to be primary caregivers, although of course many men did raise children on their own due to high rates of maternal death. Men tend to have different positions in the work force, which in turn gives them higher salaries. So, some single men do not run into the economic issues that single women do. Fathers often do not communicate as well with their children as mothers do and this leads to children in the U.S. A. raised by just a father to be more likely to use marijuana and to have tried other illicit drugs, to have been drunk three or more times, and to have had sex at an earlier age. This does contradict the fact that most people think that fathers are stricter than mothers, however they tend to be less disciplinary than single mothers. Fathers can have a great influence on their child though, because the best way for a son to learn to be a good father is by watching his own. Some biological factors that affect children living in a single father home are that females tend to reach menarche at an earlier age. One reason for this is that single- and two-parent families have different patterns of parental care resulting in differences in reproductive development. Also, social learning may account for developmental differences as father-absent girls model their mothers' sexual behavior and reproductive strategies may be heritable.

This article seems biased towards single fathers, especially when the article mentions that a children with lesbian parents or single mothers, are better at life than those with fathers. Single Mothers and Homosexual parents are great, so are Heterosexual parents and Single Fathers. There is no need to put one above another. I would like more evidence to prove that a Single Mom can raise a child better than a Single Dad, because all signs point to no. It seems as if the article is stating that children with a Single Father are going to grow up to have many social problems, and to me from what I have seen and heard, that is the same with Single Moms.

There are all these problems layed out in the Single Father section, "Fathers often do not communicate as well with their children as mothers do and this leads to children in the U.S. A. raised by just a father to be more likely to use marijuana and to have tried other illicit drugs, to have been drunk three or more times, and to have had sex at an earlier age. This does contradict the fact that most people think that fathers are stricter than mothers, however they tend to be less disciplinary than single mothers."However in the Single Mom section the only problem that exists is that the mom can't spend much time with her child because she has to work more. I don't think that is true. There are behavioral problems on both sides. --Cab88 16:45, 3 February 2006 (UTC)

This is of course biased. The best method of raising children is through a male and a female parents. Now why would one of them be worse at what they do? It has been proven that children of single mothers do get out of hand. Expecially girls who don't have a strong masculine figure to look up to. Teenage girls who get pregnat are usually ones who have been raised by a single mother. At the moment i am busy. I will try to add some facts to this pov fested article with links.

This article is just ripping with bias. The discussion about Drexler should be removed completely, at it offers nothing to the article other then a misandrist stab at men. The credibility of the author of the book is also to be determined: A PhD in Gender studies, a biased facility to begin with, does not provide instant credibility. Also, the "Myths and Facts of Fatherlessness" page doesn't prove anything. Anyone who knows statistics knows how to manipulate them, and the sources she cites are mostly magazines and surveys, which make clearly drawn lines. This article needs to clean up it's anti-male bias and work on just presenting an article. This is an informative piece, not a persuasive one. Matt620 21:30, 12 July 2006 (UTC)

Thank you to everyone contributing to revising this page. It bias against Single Parents, not just one or the other. I am a Single Mom and I was raised perfectly by my mother and Step-Father which include many failures and successes as all relationships encounter. Single Mothers have raised many outstanding children as they have also raised displaced ones. This article only contributes to the ingnorance of such opinionated American people. Each person has the ability to choose the Right Path and I am tempted crusade every last "immoral" conservative agenda this country deems true and absolute. Statistics are not a reliable source in a Court of Law, so why do we use them as a weapon against a social shift from the Nucular Family to a Single Parent household. As a Single Parent I have family and friends who introduce my son to this creation and teach him the ways of Man, Woman, and Family. My children will learn to cope, deal and succeed in social settings appropreiately because I will teach him and I will hold every adult figure in his life accountable for proper responses as I will hold my son responsible for what he is aware of per stage. I am a Southerner with strong faith in Good and whoopings. The only hopeful statement this article allowed was that there are numerous agencies available for support to educate parents because obviously a Single Parent must be less able to retain knowledge because they are more apt for risky behaviors and less willing to submit themselves and children to "psuedo" marriages to fit society's standards and statistics as safe and reasonable. It is a shame that this country so frowns any discomfort or hardship that is more than having no cable TV. I came with an open heart to see the actual struggles that me and my son must overcome, and the first one is the same condesending evil-spirited propaganda against acceptance of a difference. Single Parents are different because they are Brave, Honest, and Loving Parents who have many sleepless nights trying to make OUR (you too)lives better. Please remember your mothers and fathers were not the first in a long line of parents and when you condemn another you too are disrespecting your very own exsistance and that of our children. We are all survivors of much harder trials so have strength in your spirit and you will have strength in all that you do. Mom PS. I really needed reliable information- I can only imagine how many hormonal pregnant girls have read this filth - I believe in the American Dream and this miseducation is a nightmare. Every person contributing their bias opinions will be accountable for each fetus that is rejected because the potential mother already distressed finds her child is most likly to be a murderer or rapest - Thank you kindly for pointing out that it is Single Parents that cause this epidemic and not how their community SHUNS these children to believe that they are inadequate and lack potential to be a good person. God Forgive them for what they do for my country fails to see the RIPPLES in the water. (1 day later from when I wrote Wiki - this article was completely revised. Thank you so much because I do use Wiki regularly even just to surf topic to topic. The immediate revision of this information and discussion page keeps this site up to date with attention to accuracy as it may be perpetually amended. I am gratiful for your service. Thank you.)

Removed the section about Peggy Drexler. As stated, it didn't offer anything to the article other then misandry, and her research was biased to begin with. Peggy Drexlers work would violate the NPOV rules of Wiki. Would be better in an article on lesbianism sophestry than single motherhood. -Unsigned

4 years later from my intial outrage, i am the mom who called out the hype of the end product of single parents devotion to be rapist and murderers...this article has taken a better softer approach more than 4 years ago. id like to point out that the suicide section contributes alot of literature and just by content it seems high importance. i like the section of tv characters who are single parents. id like to see a real look at single parents by listing famous or histories' famous single parents. for at least one night mother mary was a single parent until joseph agreed to wed and father christ.

Paragraph on Single-Parent Homes and Fate of the Child

"Single parent homes are also associated with criminal activity in the U.S.A. Children from a single-parent household account for 72% of teenage murderers, 60% percent of people who commit rape crimes and are eleven times more likely to exhibit violent behavior. Reasons for this have to do with the fact that these children are generally less supervised, their actions are less monitored and there is usually less communication between the child and parent, and that most likely they come from poor families (although the effect remains strong even controlling for income)."

This final paragraph seems to condemn everyone growing up in a single-parent home. It makes them an entirely different species among us. I don't understand why the author did not try to balance this with some positive examples of growing up in single parent homes. Someone living outside of the U.S. would read this page and think we have an epidemic (in the words of Bill O'Reilly) here. Should pregnancy really be equated with a disease?

Single Parent help from government

Many governments in the West are acknowledging the problems faced by single parents. I know the UK and Australian governments have agencies that provide financial assistance and support to help single parents manage their families as to alleivate the burden of income, social and cultural problems such as discipline, visiting the other parent, access to health and education services. It would be nice if someone can research further into those areas and make this article more informative, helpful and accurate. Australian government agency. --Visik 16:09, 17 July 2006 (UTC)

Clear bias

I completely agree that this page forwards only a biased account of Single-Parent families. In a lot of cases, one partner's life caused the couple to separate. Children may face mental, emotional, and physical harm in such a hostile environment. Other factors that lead to single families include: death, drug and alcohol abuse, spousal and child abuse and abandonment. Households with two-parents and no stablity is more damaging than a stable home with one parent. Single mothers are also, not always uneducated and only able to support their children at the bare minimum. Many have grown up to become well-adjusted, family-oriented, and responsible citizens. Two parents households may be the ideal, but they are no longer the norm. Perhaps this article should be re-written to reflect the state of the world and not just a few biased excerpts from the dregs of one society. ---Raerah 22:46, 31 July 2006 (UTC)Grown child of a single parent (An Apparent Demographical Oddity).

Really bad article

This is by far the worst article I've read. It's very biased (I think anyone who reads this will end up thinking that a child from a single parent family are raping murderer criminals), limited in what it says and generally not very well structured. I have little academic/scientific understanding of single parent families so I can't re-write this. --Greg.loutsenko 19:05, 4 August 2006 (UTC)

I hands-down completely and utterly agree that this article is biased, patronising and extremely uninformative. As it stands the article is less biased without the lizlibrary information and with all trish wilsons work omitted. Although it still needs works, the basic facts are correct. -Unsigned

I too agree. The article seems to mention a lot about the financial problems that single parents face, and the emotional impact living with a single parent has on children (referencing the part about children being more likely to attempt suicide if they live with a single parent). Whilst I agree that this might be the case in a lot of families, there are also a lot of single-parented families that are quite stable financially and emotionally, and that part from living with only one parent, their lives aren't that different from families headed by two parents. If someone could find some research on this and add it to the article, that would be great.

Halen061088 12:27, 23 October 2007 (UTC)

Numbers don't agree

One section says that single mothers outnumber single fathers "nine to one" in the US; the following section says that single fathers account for "about 13%" of single parents in the US, which makes for a ratio of just about seven to one. These numbers should be brought into line, or it should be made clear that they come from different sources. There shouldn't just be two different numbers in different parts of the article with no comment at all. 67.175.119.37 05:13, 16 September 2006 (UTC)

And yet another section says that single mothers outnumber single fathers "four to one" in the US. Perhaps a recent study should be cited? Eirein 16:36, 14 November 2006 (UTC)

An additional article on FAQ's about single parenting to provide further information for readers' consideration: FAQ's about Single Parenting —Preceding unsigned comment added by NASL97 (talk • contribs) 07:22, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

2007-8

Major rewrite

Okay. I need as many people involved in this article as possible to examine my rewrite of this article; I tried to keep all the info while throwing out the opinion. One thing I noticed about it is that people have added their opinion to counter another person's opinion, leading to a cyclical feel to the article; none of the see-saw opinions were sourced, and even though they were carefully worded so as to avoid offending those who do not share that opinion, they were incorrect. The statements that actually are correct but did not have sources, I congratulate whoever put them in and apologize if my deleting them seems a bit too WP:BOLD. I invite you to find a good reliable sauce to back up your opinion so that I will have no excuse at all to delete it. Happy hunting! ^_^ V-Man737 10:19, 2 February 2007 (UTC)

External links

I'm writing on behalf of the Tufts University Child and Family Webguide to ask that our website be considered for an external link on this Wikipedia page. Our website is maintained and developed by a staff of evaluators who search the web for articles and sites that contain valuable information for children and their parents regarding various medical/developmental topics. Our "Single Parent" site contains information on how divorce affects children and how single parents can help their children to adjust to a recent divorce. —Preceding unsigned comment added by 130.64.134.109 (talk) 02:11, 23 October 2007 (UTC)

Request a link

A Request for a link to Single Parents Network - Resources for Parents that are single. Online free 24/7 sharing support, advice and information on a range of resources for single parents. We have been online since 1997 and have grown to a discussion board of 23,000 plus members at Single Family VoicesSoloParent (talk) 18:05, 15 March 2010 (UTC)

The Tufts University Child and Family WebGuide is a good parenting/divorce resource. The WebGuide is a directory that evaluates, describes and provides links to hundreds of sites containing child development research and practical advice. The WebGuide, a not-for-profit resource, was based on parent and professional feedback, as well as support from such noted child development experts as David Elkind, Edward Zigler, and the late Fred Rogers. Topics cover all ages, from early child development through adolescence. The WebGuide selects sites that have the highest quality child development research and that are parent friendly.

The divorce page of this site provides information and articles on the effects of divorce on children, including practical advice for parents as well as important legal information. It also covers issues such as child support, visitation rights, the role of fathers, child custody laws and other legal information. Teamme 16:14, 23 October 2007 (UTC)

I would also like to add our link - I run a yahoo group for single mother's by choice where women can talk openly about the issues raised by being a single mother through use of a donor. Divamumlisa (talk) 16:07, 20 June 2008 (UTC)

See also fatherless fathers for definition of fatherless fathers.

This article is supposed to be about single parents, not a slamfest against single mothers

The first paragraph is ridiculous. Nobody's asking for an opinionfest about child support. If you really think writing a check is parenting, Whoever-You-Are, you've never raised a child. Those sentences are going away. Dseilhan (talk) 09:30, 29 December 2007 (UTC)

Not single mother single parent, I have a short-lived experience with being a single parent. I met a girl that had to pay child support on two different boys with two deadbeat dads. I love my two baby girls to death, and I haven't seen them in almost 6 months. I am a single parent even though I do not have them in my custody. I get no support and no visitation, thanks to my evil mother-in-law. My stepson is probably molesting them right now, even though I have shown the internet porn he was looking at to his mother and grandmother.

He grabbed my mom's ass in her sleep and noone believed her. He started open-mouth kissing my baby in front of me and my wife. What am I supposed to do, put my foot on his neck in front of the baby? My wife and her mother have conspired to take my girls and my money and I fought them as long as I could. They got that Texas ten-year rule and I got no money. Now all they will have is each other, and I can go make some money for my girls. I have this stepson though that I have supported for 12 years who is more than willing to drive the knife in my back to please his evil grandmother who thinks she is a witch, as well as his mother who so desperately seeks the love that her mother denied her that she will drive the knife in her husband to please her and destroy the love and affection of a father and his daughters because she is jealous and will not part from her 15-year-old son to his grandmothers because she thinks he has more of a right to enjoy his sister's love than their father does. She justs wanted the money that she already proved that she was too retarded to handle.

There are good reasons for divorce and this is one of them. If you are single that means you are not married. If you are a single parent that means you are divorced or you have been totaly abandoned. But when you get support money from the other biological parent you are not really a single parent. You have just divided responsiblities (money and care) and one takes loneliness and bleeding and the other takes the love and constant companionship of the childern. The financial reason is like corporations: the shareholders are protected from liability. If you want to destroy me you can do it while we are married, but you can not do it if we are divorced. So in the best interest of the children it is better to divorce for financial protection than financial destruction. —Preceding unsigned comment added by 98.195.26.237 (talk) 08:24, 6 January 2008 (UTC)

I fixed a slew of typos in the previous rant which goes incredibly offtopic from improving this article. Wikipedia is not a soapbox. If someone wants to petition a mod to remove that or take the initiative to do it themself, go ahead. Even after correcting this I still don't see the value in it. Tyciol (talk) 00:59, 5 February 2009 (UTC)

Removed sentence

I removed "and in america 80% of single parents are black compared to 30% white." as it is nonsensical as written, and additionally it bore no relationship to the 3 references cited, apparently in support of it.—Preceding unsigned comment added by NuclearWinner (talk • contribs) 20:22, 5 September 2008

2009

Choice parents

In regard to this section of the article, specifically that of male choice parents, it refers to those who choose to be a surrogate. Is this in regard to sperm donors or is it referring to something different? Tyciol (talk) 00:48, 5 February 2009 (UTC)

Famous/successful children of single mothers

Can we add a section including famous single mothers? Perhaps Halimahton Yusof, as she is believed to have raised 5 of her kids almost on her own yet produced 5 geniuses and british math prodigies. Or Kate Saunders. I cannot think of any more. Faro0485 (talk) 07:39, 12 April 2009 (UTC)

This might be a minor edit, but...

I want to change the few times in the article where it says that single parenthood is only a temporary thing. For some people, it is a deliberate decision and I don't like to see them played down. Omgitsmonica (talk) 19:51, 26 June 2009 (UTC)

Photograph

Is it just me or that photograph is: a) a negative, biased image of single-mothers (-parents) as lonely and sad, b) totally uninformative on the subject in question. I propose to remove it.--drD 15:06, 21 September 2009 (UTC)