Talk:One Rincon Hill/GA2

GA Review[edit]

Lead

One Rincon Hill is a residential complex that is currently under construction on the apex of Rincon Hill in San Francisco. - it should be either in the United States city of ____ or in San Francisco, California or in San Francisco, California, United States.
The complex, designed by Solomon, Cordwell, Buenz and Associates and developed by Urban West Associates, consists of two late-modernist skyscrapers connected by townhouses. - this is confusing, is there a link to the type of "modern" that is elaborated here? Also, it should be more elaborated on what it means to be connected by townhouses, as in it's current form is confusing.
Per WP:BOLDFACE, do not bold other names that are meant to be emphasized, use italics.
One tower, One Rincon Hill North Tower is planned to reach a height 495 feet (151 m) with 45 stories. - a comma should go after Tower as you are introducing the tower as a separate subject.
The giant clock was demolished shortly after the city approved the One Rincon Hill project. - remove the word giant, sounds like a POV.

Description

The complex is located on a 1.3 acre (0.5 ha)[12] on the apex of the Rincon Hill neighborhood. The site is bounded by Harrison Street to the west, the Fremont Street off ramp to the north, the western approach to the Bay Bridge (Interstate 80) on the east, and the First Street on ramp to the south.[13][14] - why not just use "Entrance" and "Exit" ramps?

Architecture

The shorter North Tower contains 45 floors, while the South Tower contains 60. - "shorter" also sounds like POV, but either way the reader is aware that the N tower is shorter 45 < 60.
The skyscraper is one of the most significant additions to the San Francisco skyline in over 30 years. It is also one of the tallest all-residential towers west of the Mississippi River, towering 697 feet (212 m) above San Francisco Bay.[1][19][20][12][21] - is the first sentence supported by the 5 refs? Also, can't both sentences just be sourced with 1-3 refs?
The architectural style for both buildings of the Rincon Hill complex are late-modernist. - like I said above, is there a link for that term?
As for South Tower, the three sides of the building facing southeast, northeast, and northwest consists of a linear glass curtainwall. - "the" should be placed before South Tower since it is a proper noun.

Residences

The project opened up a sales office on June 16, 2006 and even before the opening, 130 condo units located in the South Tower were already spoken for in a selling frenzy. the word "frenzy" here is poor word choice, perhaps reword to indicated the same meaning.

This is the first part of the review.S_RX 03:52, 24 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Done, fixed all of the above issues. Cheers. _{Trance addict - Armin van Buuren - Oceanlab} 17:10, 25 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Prelude

'However, this was deemed an ineffective use of the land, and so in 2003 Urban West Associates bought the land and later proposed the first version of the complex on the same site.[32] The original version of the complex was a 28 story and a 33 story tower named 475 First and had only 506 residential units. - there needs to be a comma after 2003. Because the original proposal was never built, it should read and would have 506 residential units. "only" is not needed.
When the second and final version project was approved by the city on August 4, 2005, the fate of the Clock Tower was sealed. - this is horrible wording. "the fate of the the Clock Tower was sealed, sounds cartoonish and POV. Remove or reword.

2005-2006 Construction stoppage

This construction hold came about because staff members of the Department of Building Inspection wanted further assurances about the seismic integrity of One Rincon Hill. = replace "because" with "when", makes more sense.
In addition, about a week after the ceremonial groundbreaking, department Chief Engineer Hanson Tom ordered that construction permits cannot be issued without his authorization. - So the building didn't have those permits? It should be elaborated that the building didn't have it.
On July 21, 2006, a metal construction deck collapsed sometime around 10:45 in the morning. - replace in the morning with AM (time zone) and place the time zone in parenthesis.

Criticism

The height and placement of the South Tower is also a concern to residents living east to northeast of Twin Peaks, since development South of Market blocks their views of the Bay Bridge. - so since development South of Market blocks their views of the Bay Bridge. Im confused, what is meant by here?
The building's architectural design generated a wide range of opinions. While some residents of San Francisco say that the tower is beautiful, others have belittled the design. - is this sourced with ref [11]? If not, it needs to be verified.
The design has been compared to San-Francisco-based Sharper Image's Ionic Breeze air purifier, leading to the nickname "Ionic Breeze Tower". Plus, the building is right next to the main freeway to the Bay Bridge where traffic gets backed up on a daily basis. - Why is this notable as criticism, if it is, it is not elaborated why being compared to the Ionic Breeze is notable. Also, why is it important that it's next to the freeway.

Gallery

Why can't these images be incorporated into the article?

References

[44] and [13] - why is there no link to the map? A map can be produced by a link and sourced on an article.
[26] - KRON4 is redlinked, correctly spell it or remove the link.

Done - fixed the above issues. Cheers. _{Trance addict - Armin van Buuren - Oceanlab} 23:11, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose quality:
Per comments above.

B. MoS compliance:
Per comments above.
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. References to sources:
Few concerns above.

B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused:
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Per comments above.
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:

B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:
Many prose issues, though, I will put the article on hold for the comments to be addressed.S_RX 18:07, 25 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

My concerns were addressed and I see no other flaws in the articles, this Good Article Nomination is a Pass.--S_RX 23:32, 11 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]