Talk:Kindred of the East/GA1

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Reviewer: Rhain (talk · contribs) 14:29, 3 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Happy to take this one! Should have first comments by the weekend; it's been a few years since my last review, so I may need a few days to oil the wheels a little... – Rhain ☔ 14:29, 3 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Lead and infobox
  • The first sentence feels a little too long; consider splitting everything after "Masquerade" to a separate sentence, or joining it with the following one.
  • I'm not aware of any guideline preventing this, so of course it's entirely optional, but considering removing "(art director)" from the infobox—for video games, for example, individual tasks are kept to prose; this has already been done here, so I'm not sure the infobox clarification is entirely necessary. Alternatively, consider a footnote.
    • I guess that makes sense. I had added "art director" because I did not want to give the impression that Snelly drew all the illustrations in the book (there were so many illustrators working on this that it would not make sense to list them).--AlexandraIDV 05:02, 6 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]
      • I figured that was your reasoning; if you're concerned about giving the wrong impression, feel free to add the clarification back—though I'd personally recommend using a footnote instead of parentheses (you could even consider naming some of the other illustrators in the footnote, like Arnett or Lee). – Rhain ☔ 12:09, 6 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Overview
  • The first usage of "kuei-jin" is italicised; either remove this, or italicise the others.
    • Considering it's an invented amalgam of Chinese and Japanese words and not *actually* a foreign-language word, I'm removing it.--AlexandraIDV 05:02, 6 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • I don't believe "They" (in "They do not originate...") should be capitalised.
    • Done. This is what happens when I write things out of order.--AlexandraIDV 05:02, 6 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • The second sentence of the third paragraph uses "kuei-jin" four times (three in quick succession)—consider rephrasing.
  • Consider linking "yin and yang" on its first usage.
  • "and thus detectable" → "and thus are detectable".
  • Should the semicolon after "sixth age" be a colon?
    • No, this is a list where each item is separated by a semicolon, similar to the last example in MOS:SEMICOLON.--AlexandraIDV 05:02, 6 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Reception
  • This is minor (and therefore optional) but, in the first sentence, considering listing Dosdediez before the other two, since that's where it would sit alphabetically (unless there's a specific reason for this order).
    • Consider doing the same with "SF Fite, Dragon, and Casus Belli" in the second paragraph, and with "SF Site and Sci-Fi Universe in the fifth.
  • I'm not sure if only four references justify the use of a citation bundle (first sentence, paragraphs 3 and 4), but that's just a personal preference.
    • The last example (in "Sales") definitely makes sense, though I'd consider bundling them in a single reference instead of a footnote, like at WP:CITEBUNDLE.
      • I guess this is a matter of opinion, but I find even just four refs in a row distracting from the reading experience, so that's where I chose to draw the line. I will take a look at CITEBUNDLE, though.--AlexandraIDV 05:02, 6 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • I believe "highest selling" should be hyphenated.
Related media
  • "Los Angeles' Chinatown" → "Los Angeles's Chinatown".
    • I was unsure about this one, as someone who only speaks English as a second language, so thanks--AlexandraIDV 05:02, 6 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Reference
  • All references look great—good range, consistently formatted, and all online links archived. Assuming good faith for offline sources.
  • My one minor concern is that the publisher of GameSpy was technically IGN Entertainment, since the singular IGN would require italicisation.

Unsurprisingly, this was a great read, with very few concerns. Don't hesitate to let me know if you have any disagreements or need clarification. Once these have been addressed, this should have a green tick in no time. – Rhain ☔ 04:06, 6 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Rhain: I'm glad to hear it! I have addressed/responded to everything above, except the citation bundling which I need to read up on. I'll be back!--AlexandraIDV 05:02, 6 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]
@Rhain: Took a little bit of reading template documentation pages, but I think I have fixed the citation bundling as well, now.--AlexandraIDV 07:01, 6 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]
@Alexandra IDV: Looks good! Of course, if you'd prefer it the previous way, please feel free to change it back—this is all personal preference, and your previous method was not wrong by any means (I believe I've seen FAs using the same technique). All of your changes look great! Congrats on such fine work. Here you go: . – Rhain ☔ 12:09, 6 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]
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