Talk:21st Division (People's Republic of China)

Suggestions

G'day, I have assessed this article as Start-class for Milhist for now. There are a few grammar and terminology issues that stop it getting a yes for criteria b4, and it needs some more information about its fighting in the Battle of Weinan to make b2. It is close to C-Class. I have a few queries/comments that will help it get a yes for b4:

• everything in the lead should be in the body and cited there, so you don't need to put citations in the lead
• use the past tense when talking about the past (which is all of this article) ie don't say "it would participate", say "it participated", don't say "the division would be dissolved" say "the division was dissolved" etc
• "can be traced to the 2nd Independent Brigade"
• "in the Battle of Weinan in before"
• I suspect the Battle of Weinan would be notable, if so, redlink it
• "21st dDivision was part" there are several examples of this. 21st Division is a proper name, so D rather than d
• I assume both the 1st Field Army and 7th Army would be notable, so redlink them in the body
• where you are using a colon then a list, I suggest putting the citation at the colon, signifying that the following list is drawn from that source
• was the division an infantry formation? If so, say that early on
• my understanding is that the PRC army did not use ranks or insignia at this stage, although I'll stand corrected. If this is case, perhaps just state that Fan Zhongxiang was the "divisional commander" as a position, rather than referring to him as the "brigadier" which is a specific rank mostly used by Commonwealth countries
• generally, use a link once in the lead and once again in the body ie 31st Anti-tank Artillery Division
• "Fan was awarded the rank of"→"Fan was appointed as a"
• drop the initial caps on Major General unless giving it as a title, like "Major General Fan Zhongxiang", but not when using it like "Fan Zhongxiang was a major general" also link major general to Jiang (rank)
• "though Li also took part"
• "Though the division did have multiple commanders"→"Though there were many subordinate commanders within the division, two notable ones were..." and redlink these two if they reached the rank of major general later. I assume Duan Shikai did, as chief political commissar of 7th Army?
• "With much of its early leadership and base of soldiers from"→"With many of its commanders and soldiers drawn from Shanxi province..."
• link Kuomintang
• "south-western China" unless we are talking about a formal region
• "already controlled by the forces of the People's Republic of China"
• link Tianshui and Lanzhou
• link Longhai railway
• "being some of the first to participate"→"the division was an early participant"
• "The division was led as part of the 1st Field Army of the People's Liberation Army's 7th Army"→"The division was led as part of the 1st Field Army of the People's Liberation Army's 7th Army" when was this?

Hope the above helps. Feel free to ping me when you've addressed the above, and I would be glad to assess this article as C-Class. Regards, Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 09:48, 12 July 2019 (UTC)