Talk:Red Star (publication)

Journalism Low‑importance

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Women

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Edits/thoughts from Em :)

Grammatical:

"...made up of proletarian, working class women and women on welfare" -- I can't tell if proletarian is a separate group or if it is an adjective describing the working class women?? But if they are three separate things there should be a comma after "working class women."
"Stemming from notions related to eugenics, women on welfare, particularly women of color, were deemed "unfit" to reproduce, and many were subsequently sterilized through tubal ligations and hysterectomies often without their consent or even knowledge that such procedures were performed." -- This sentence is kind of long. I wonder if you could break it up into two? Also the part with "Were deemed" - do we know by whom? Because you could say something like; "Stemming from notions related to eugenics, [group] viewed women on welfare, particularly women of color, as 'unfit' to reproduce. Thus many of these women were sterilized through tubal ligations... [etc]"

Content

What is "the central committee"? Do you have more info on that? I'm kinda confused
The section on birth control uses a lot of passive voice and talks about women having been sterilized, rather than saying that a certain group/ideology led to the sterilization of these women. It might be more powerful to phrase this in a more active way.

Takeaway

I think this page is really great and I like how you bring in historical information and context. I also like that you outline the content of the issues. I think in terms of writing style there are a few longer/run-on sentences that could be separated into shorter/more concise ones. Overall though I think you did a really great job and I can see that you put a lot of work into it!

Elaliber (talk) 02:49, 12 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]