Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Cleomenean War/Archive 1

Cleomenean War[edit]

I have recently began work on this article and I big plans for it in the future and I would like suggestions about how to improve it. Kyriakos 21:44, 17 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Kirill Lokshin[edit]

Quite nice, overall. A few points to consider:

The citation structure seems a bit too dense, particularly with the same note number repeated multiple times on succeeding sentences. To a large degree this is an inevitable consequence of using named ref tags, but I'd look at ways to make it seem less forced regardless.
I see no need to split the sources by online availability; just providing the links where they're relevant should be enough.
The article will need thorough copyediting in the future; there are a lot of missing commas.

Keep up the good work! Kirill 02:46, 20 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Roger Davies[edit]

Perhaps it's just me being dense, but I had trouble grasping the role of ephors (consider italicising} and their significance in the ensuing war. Perhaps add an explanatory paragraph in the prelude section, to put them into context?
It would be handy to explain the role of a strategus too.
Any chance of getting more detail into the battle descriptions? What were Cleomenes' main military strengths? What were his men best at? Can anything be added about weaponry or tactics of the period?
It does need a copy-edit, preferably by a disinterested third-party coming to it afresh. (Awadewit - who did a lovely job smoothing the lumps on Battle of Arras (1917) - is good at the meticulous stuff as well as putting sensible questions to prompt re-writes for clarity.)

All the best, --ROGER DAVIES ^TALK 08:09, 24 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the advice, Kirill and Roger, it is much appreciated. I had addressed most of your concerns and the article have received a copy edit. Kyriakos 11:28, 27 September 2007 (UTC)[reply]