Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Battle for the Hague

Battle for the Hague

Another lesser known battle of WWII. I have done most of the work on this one as well. I am curious to see what my peers think of my work. I believe it is very good, any suggestions will be appreciated. (Red4tribe (talk) 19:25, 24 April 2008 (UTC))

Roger Davies

Promising start but perhaps needs more focus on the basics. The lead, for instance, needn't say that this was a battle (the title tells us that) but should mention who the combatants were (ie Royal Dutch army and German army]]; the date/s when it took place; and what the outcome was. Other things?

It would probably benefit from an overview section. What part of the war this slots into; what the overall plan was; what each side stood to gain or lose.

Battle articles are usually enormously improved by some blood and guts description. That is focusing on individual actions and what those people did.

It needs a copy edit. The use of capital letters is not Wikipedia-standard (eg "force the Queen to Surrender"); it has a few typos ("immediatly" > "immediately"); and some sentences are unclear ("The Germans were slowly reinforced by burning transport aircraft who were crash-landing anywhere they could find"). Easiest is to find a word-nerd as a collaborator (and we have plenty here who can help: try posting a request in the Logistics dept at WP:MHL#COPYEDIT).

--ROGER DAVIES ^talk 09:10, 26 April 2008 (UTC)

Ryan4314

Agree with Roger in regards to the lead.

"The Battle for the Hague was a battle that took place as part of the Battle of the Netherlands ("Battle" said 3 times in one sentence, might want to mention it was part of WW2 too). German paratroopers (you could add a link to them, and put their German name too) dropped in (where? the Hague? the Netherlands?) and were assigned to take ("capture" or something like that would sound sexier lol, but seriously it'll avoid you having to use "take" again in the next sentence) Dutch airfields and the city. After taking the city, the plan was to force the Queen to surrender and defeat the Dutch in a single day."

I hope it doesn't sound like I'm teaching you to suck eggs, but I recommend copying a lead section from an FA class battle article, then swapping it's information for yours. Also try to imagine you've just stumbled across this article per "random page", and ask yourself does the lead summarise this clearly now? Ryan4314 (talk) 19:00, 1 May 2008 (UTC)