Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/Battle of Trenton

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Battle of Trenton[edit]

Not promoted --ROGER DAVIES talk 06:40, 25 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

This was recently a FAC but it did not pass so I am going to try for A-Class now.-Red4tribe (talk) 02:48, 26 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • Support w/comments In my opinion, it would be best for you to remove the 300px size insert on the page's images since this has the effect of making the images disproportionatly large on smaller screen sizes. Also, unless you have a pressing reason to keep it, I suggest that you see what you can do to eliminate the see also section and move the links in it up into the article body. TomStar81 (Talk) 23:27, 28 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I changed the image sizes, but I am unsure how I can put things such as Trenton order of Battle and New Jersey during the American Revolution in the article.-Red4tribe (talk) 20:09, 29 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment. Overall it seems to be very good, but it is held back by its need for a copy-edit:
    • This string of sentences sounds awkward, they should be rephrased and combined into one: "Another setback also occurred for the Americans.[33] Both General Cadwalader and Ewing were unable to join in the attack due to the weather conditions.[9]"
    • In general it needs a copy-edit. There are many errors throughout, especially in the American Attack section, that make it sound like it was written by someone not fluent in English or is a translation. Also, an error with formatting the second quote on the drunkenness of the Hessian's in the casualties section, the period should be a comma. Also, in the second paragraph of the aftermath section, it would be better not to have a colon, which implies an extended list, for the two famous people wounded; it might be better phrased as something like "Two notable officers were wounded, William Washington, cousin of the General, who was badly wounded in both hands, James Monroe..."
    • Also, the part about their drunkenness seems out of place in the casualties section, you may wish to move it/make it into it's own section. Borg Sphere (talk) 22:52, 30 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • good work - i would add:
    • something about the enlistments ending at the new year (hard to overemphasize)
    • british counting on american demise and going into 'winter quarters'
    • was Hamilton in the Artillery? Knox and Greene there?
    • lead into battle of asumpink creek; princeton where british (cornwallis) wanted revenge for this battle Battle of Princeton Second Battle of Trenton in Aftermath
    • i would move the boat talk up to crossing section - Durham boat
    • add something about the marblehead regiment [[1]]14th Continental Regiment
    • 'victory or death' is from cato Joseph Addison
    • i would incorporate the myth in the body as fact with explanation Pohick2 (talk) 22:04, 17 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • i would think about just refering to the painting wiki [[2]]
    • there are other paintings as well [[3]] which are even harder to believe Pohick2 (talk) 04:29, 20 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page, such as the current discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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