Wikipedia:Peer review/Imran Khan (actor)/archive1

Imran Khan (actor)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to take it to GA.

Thanks, GleekVampire | talk! 13:52, 19 February 2013 (UTC)

Hi Gleek, really good job on the article, though some amount of polishing is required. :-) Here are my first bunch of comments:

Lead

• "...the grandson of noted director and producer Nasir Hussain." The usage of the word "noted" here is not required.

• Didn't Khan pursue film-making at the New York Film Academy? The statement regarding this is a bit confusing.

• The sentence "His performance in the film earned the Filmfare Award for Best Male Debut." is a bit weird.

• Don't use a word like "lull" in the article, it's pretty unencyclopaedic.

• What do you mean when you say "Khan is a celebrity in India" ?

• "..written columns in India's national newspaper." Not a very good sentence to read.

• "PETA Programme in India". PETA is a organisation, what programme are you referring to?

• In the final sentence, usage of the word "girlfriend" is redundant.

 Done.

Early life and background

• " Khan later admitted that frequently changing schools made him independent and a loner." This sentence puts two rather contrasting ideas in the same breath. I think you should change it.

• The statement in the parenthesis "(calling Dahl his "guru")" is quite redundant.

• "...he went into market research and advertising". "Went into" is unencyclopaedic.

• "Khan eventually returned to Mumbai and began training at an acting institute in Andheri, mentored by Kishore Namit Kapoor (a member of the Film and Television Institute of India)." Isn't it easier to say "Khan eventually returned to Mumbai and trained to become an actor at Kishore Namit Kapoor's acting institute". Why is the location and Kapoor's membership information required?

• "Khan auditioned for the role again, before being signed for the film."?? The prose does not explain if he had auditioned before.

 Done. GleekVampire | talk! 21:47, 20 February 2013 (UTC)

More comments later. --smarojit ^{(buzz me)} 16:11, 20 February 2013 (UTC)

• The article looks very good. Here is a minor style point: Newpapers and magazines like Hindustan times, Economic times, Times of India, and Outlook are italicized in the text, but not always in the citations. Look out for Work=, which italicizes, and Publisher=, which does not. BollyJeff | talk 02:38, 23 February 2013 (UTC)

• Image and artistry section: "chocolate boy" What does it mean?
• "He is considered one of the most popular, stylish and handsome celebrities in India" Source covers stylish, but not so much the other two. Another source or two might help.

 Done. GleekVampire | talk! 06:44, 25 February 2013 (UTC)