Wikipedia:Peer review/Crayola/archive1

Crayola

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
Hi, I'd like to get some feedback on this article. I did name it as GA candidate, but that seems very backlogged now, so I'd like to try here.

Thanks, Dougie WII (talk) 02:00, 29 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments from Awadewit

Sourcing: The sourcing in this article tends to rely on unreliable sources such as the following:

• This source does not look reliable since it is for-profit website promoting family travel.

• This source does not look reliable since it is a for-profit website selling art supplies. Can you find a complete list of Crayola products somewhere?

• Comment -- these sources are being used merely to show that the products exist and are being sold in the stated quantities. Since Crayola sells through third party distributors, it was difficult to find a source documenting available products that wasn't actually selling them. In this case, I think these distributors are reliable sources since they are actively selling the products mentioned.. -- Dougie WII (talk)

Also, much of the article relies on the Crayola website itself. It is best to look for third-party sources that are more objective. Crayola is, of course, interested in presenting itself in the best possible light. For-profit websites, also used a lot in the article, are interested in selling their products. We want to look for sources that are primarily interested in conveying information. Here are some examples I found on Google Books:

• Crayola Crayon in American Icon published by Greenwood Press

• Crayola's marketing strategy in Value-added public relations published by McGraw Hill

There are two helpful dispatches on sourcing that will help you in the researching process here and here.

Lead: The lead needs to be a summary of the article per WP:LEAD. So, for example, some of the history needs to be included as well as the cultural impact.

Content:

• The "History" section jumps from 1903 to 1984 - what happened in the meantime?

• There is a section on crayons, but the lead says that company also makes markers, chalk, paints, modeling clay and colored pencils - the article should discuss these in some depth.

• There should also be a section describing the company, its structure, and its finances.

• Comment -- I'll try to find more on this, but as a privately held company, it is not required to release its financial information -- Dougie WII (talk) 10:39, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

Images:

• File:Company.gif - The fair use rationale for this image is not sufficient. The purpose of use does not explain why the reader needs to see the image. See the end of this dispatch for advice on writing purposes of use. (Personally, I'm not sure this image is needed, but I'm open to persuasion.)

• The image of the postal stamp was successfully undeleted by the DRV process and I removed this image after trying to move it up to the history section, but it never looked right. -- Dougie WII (talk) 23:33, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

I hope these comments are helpful. Awadewit (talk) 02:09, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

Thank you very much for your input, I'll be working these issues you raised over the next few days. I'm kind of waiting for the result of a backlogged DRV (that should hopefully be resolved at any moment now) before I make any major structural changes though. Thanks again for your time, I hope you can review it again after some of these problems have been addressed. -- Dougie WII (talk) 09:50, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

• I agree with previous comments that the article is too reliant on the website, especially since the colors taken from it seem to be more pastel than the actual crayons itself Purplebackpack89 (talk) 23:03, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

Comment As discussed I've replaced the color value table with a table of actual self-made images of the crayon marks. -- Dougie WII (talk) 09:33, 14 July 2009 (UTC)