Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Aang/archive2

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted 20:52, 20 April 2008.

Aang[edit]

previous FAC (00:05, 24 March 2008)

Self-nominator: The article failed its previous nomination for bad prose and certain reference issues. I believe these issues have been addressed and would like the article to be looked at again. — Parent5446 (t n c k e l) 15:02, 17 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose, issues with the characteristics section: bordering on OR, some typos, some wording could be fixed. Sceptre (talk) 15:26, 17 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]
As much as I hate to say this, if you have seen the episodes, you would know most of things are stated directly in the episodes that are used a citations. The Placebo Effect (talk) How's my editing? Please contribute to my editor review. 15:29, 17 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]
"Aang is reluctant to fight, as demonstrated in "The Spirit World (Winter Solstice, Part 1)". In this episode, Aang wastes time trying to convince a spirit to stop destroying a village, instead of fighting the beast directly." reads, as someone who doesn't watch the show (but I know a religious shipper of) as original research. Try something like "Aang stated a reluctance to fight in "The Spirit World (Winter Solstice, Part 1)": instead of fighting a spirit that was destroying a village, he tried to negotiate." Sceptre (talk) 15:36, 17 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I looked over the article and copyedited it. Please take a look at the article again and give your opinion. — Parent5446 (t n c k e l) 20:20, 17 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]
There's still a few typos and grammatical errors. You might want to print the article out and combing through it; as an FA contributor myself, I can say it works. Sceptre (talk) 20:27, 17 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comment All the links checked out, sources looked okay. Ealdgyth - Talk 17:58, 17 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose - Sorry, this needs a close copy-edit by a prose-pro. Examples:

  • Convoluted: Aang's appearance was derived from a drawing created by director Bryan Konietzko ("Aang was developed from a drawing by director Bryan Konietzko"?)
  • Redundancy: in the season finale of the second season ("in the second season finale"?)
  • Vocabulary: pack of bison ("herd"?);
  • Clarity: The show itself is currently divided into three seasons What does this mean?
  • Typos: tenth and eleventh episode Plural?
  • Wordiness: ... Aang is involved in a battle that takes place in the underground caverns of Ba Sing Se. Aang is nearly killed in this battle when Azula strikes him down with lightning. At the end of the episode, Katara escapes with Aang and successfully brings him back from near death using water from the Spirit Oasis. ("Aang is nearly killed in a battle in the caverns of Ba Sing Se when Azula strikes him with lightning. Aang is saved by Katara who revives him with water from the Spirit Oasis.")
--ROGER DAVIES talk 18:36, 17 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I looked over the article and copyedited it. Please take a look at the article again and give your opinion. — Parent5446 (t n c k e l) 20:20, 17 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose - The topic is not broad enough to be a featured article at this point. The first half of the creation seems like it has more to do with the overall series rather than just the character. The second half seems to be very "ORish"; notes from episodes and unrelated topics shouldn't be used to back concept and creation sections. The reception is bare bones, which is not very good at all. Other than that, the whole thing seems weak structurally, and the sections should be rearranged and reformatted to give a better appearance. At this point, I would just suggest chopping it up between the main article (if there is anything that could strengthen it) and a character list if the article's current state is its maximum potential. TTN (talk) 22:24, 17 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose I'm seeing several in-universe writing examples here, these sould be fixed first. —Preceding unsigned comment added by KC109 (talk • contribs) 22:32, April 17, 2008

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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