User talk:RutgersMark/sandbox
Citations[edit]
Citations needed throughout article. Remember, when importing citations, try not to put one citation at the end of a long paragraph with several topics of information. Instead, citations will often go in the middle of a paragraph, especially after a sentence with numerical or concrete data, words like "according to", and dated events. Many website links can be run through wiki's automatic function, but other sources like newspapers and books must be completed manually. Laura Leezy (talk) 18:41, 10 April 2024 (UTC)
Grammar[edit]
I would recommend splitting up this sentence.
What today known as East Camden, is a district within the city of Camden, was once apart of Stockton Township, it was not until 1899 was the town properly merged into the city of Camden, notable places that are a part of East Camden include Creamer Hill, villages like Wrightsville, Stockton, Rosedale's, who all run through federal St. East Camden is separated from several parts of the city by like likes of the Cooper River, the Conrail rail lines and route 30.
New Potential sentence: East Camden, which was previously apart of Stockton Township, is a district within the city of Camden. In 1899, the town was merged properly into the city of Camden. Some notable places include Cramer Hill and Wrightsville, Stockton, and Rosedale villages. ... Futuroabogado3511 (talk) 18:45, 10 April 2024 (UTC)
- Agreed on grammar issues. There are some cases of punctuation being misused. Consider using semicolons and/or shorter sentences in order to make the article easier to navigate and digest. Laura Leezy (talk) 18:54, 10 April 2024 (UTC)
- Use a semicolon or period after "neighborhood": "East Camden has a majority of Puerto Rican and Dominicans decent residents in the neighborhood, 18986 of the residents that live in East Camden are Latino or Hispanic which is way than half of the area's population." OR consider a sentence like this: "East Camden has a majority of residents being of Puerto Rican and Dominican descent. Of the [total number of residents] people living in East Camden, 18,986 of them are Latino or Hispanic."::Using words like "way more than half" feels non-neutral to me. Just showing the number of residents compared to those that are Hispanic or Latino is enough info for the reader to reach that conclusion themselves. Laura Leezy (talk) 19:12, 10 April 2024 (UTC)
- This sentence structure is difficult to understand: "The 2022 Census reports that the Median gross rent per household in East Camden is $1,146, 44.6 Percent of residents pay $1,000-1,499 and a total of 36% combined pay less than $500-$999 in rent per a month."
- Some letters are capitalized where they shouldn't be like "Median" (I think?) and "Percent" (use %). Also, this string of numbers "$1,146, 44.6 Percent" is confusing. I believe replacing the comma with a period could help but the sentence should probably be reframed. Laura Leezy (talk) 19:24, 10 April 2024 (UTC)
- Use a semicolon or period after "neighborhood": "East Camden has a majority of Puerto Rican and Dominicans decent residents in the neighborhood, 18986 of the residents that live in East Camden are Latino or Hispanic which is way than half of the area's population." OR consider a sentence like this: "East Camden has a majority of residents being of Puerto Rican and Dominican descent. Of the [total number of residents] people living in East Camden, 18,986 of them are Latino or Hispanic."::Using words like "way more than half" feels non-neutral to me. Just showing the number of residents compared to those that are Hispanic or Latino is enough info for the reader to reach that conclusion themselves. Laura Leezy (talk) 19:12, 10 April 2024 (UTC)
This look normal, but remember not to use the name over and over. I notice this in the sentence: "He is also known as "Father of Public Education in Puerto Rico". On March 27, 1993 Rutgers University- Camden Campus adopted Rafael Cordero Molina School. This gave the elementary school access to many of the universities resources that the school does not have." Other than that, it looks cool.
Structure[edit]
The lead-in paragraph/intro should be a bit longer in my opinion. Generally, a lead-in would quickly summarize what the rest of the article will talk about in further detail. Maybe a few sentences more, nothing crazy. Laura Leezy (talk) 20:25, 10 April 2024 (UTC)
Citations[edit]
I see that someone has already commented on the lack of citations. However, I'm going to post this as a gentle reminder that those need to be added in. The information you've collected here and written about seems notable and is written from a place of knowledge, so I think given the comments on grammar and structure above that adding in those citations will give this article a very finished feeling. Harleiquill (talk) 17:49, 17 April 2024 (UTC)
Chart[edit]
I greatly appreciate the chart you've added here. It delivers some great information in a very clean way. I would suggest adding citations for these numbers when you get to that stage. Harleiquill (talk) 17:50, 17 April 2024 (UTC)
Neighborhood Page[edit]
With the amount of information you have here, and the rich history of this region, I wonder if this wouldn't function better as a standalone page? I'm confident each of the neighborhoods host enough information, history, notable events, and notable figures that this is something that could be considered in the future. Perhaps you could pave a path to make that happen?
Either way, this is some great information and you've done a good job putting it together. Harleiquill (talk) 17:52, 17 April 2024 (UTC)
I think that you got to talk the housing and the ideas surrounding it. Although, it would be cool to provide more information on it. But it still looks cool to me. Good job! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Shower$56 (talk • contribs) 19:11, 22 April 2024 (UTC)