User talk:Jwood57/sandbox

Assignment #3[edit]

Article Analysis: The article I chose Meryl Streep in the 2000s follows the chronological order of Meryl Streep's accomplishments throughout the early 2000's. The flow accurately portrays the events that take place in her life in an ordered manner. The information is evenly weighted among the timeline and therefore does not require editing. However, a lead section is needed in order to sum up all the information concisely and give readers a brief overview of the article. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Jwood57 (talk • contribs) 00:34, 24 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Article: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meryl_Streep_in_the_2000s — Preceding unsigned comment added by Jwood57 (talk • contribs) 02:36, 20 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Right now, the draft of your lead talks about Streep's origins and early career. That's not really the point of this article. You should move on straight into the 2000s. Perhaps begin by explaining where in her career Streep was at the beginning of the decade and then summarize what she accomplished over those years. Stay away from using expressions like "sheer talent" and "captivating actress." Don't evaluate. Just list the accomplishments. They will speak for themselves. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Josefhoracek (talk • contribs) 08:06, 2 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Your new revision does exactly what it needs to do. The internal links are very helpful. Some small corrections: 1. Remove the comma after "Streep began 2006..." 2. In the last sentence, change "loaned" to "loaning." Josef Horáček (talk) 13:59, 3 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Assignment #2[edit]

Article: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1988_Summer_Olympics

Sources:

1. Jarol B. Manheim. Rites of Passage: The 1988 Seoul Olympics as Public Diplomacy.The Western Political Quarterly Vol. 43, No. 2 (Jun., 1990) , pp. 279-295 Published by: University of Utah on behalf of the Western Political Science Association Stable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/448367

2. Cho, Ji-Hyun, and Alan Bairner. "The Sociocultural Legacy Of The 1988 Seoul Olympic Games." Leisure Studies 31.3 (2012): 271-289. Academic Search Complete. Web. 19 Feb. 2015.

3. Horton, Peter, and John Saunders. "The ‘East Asian’ Olympic Games: What Of Sustainable Legacies?." International Journal Of The History Of Sport 29.6 (2012): 887-911. SPORTDiscus with Full Text. Web. 19 Feb. 2015.

4. Stefani, Ray. "Overcoming The Doping Legacy: Can London's Winners Outperform The Drugs Of 1988?." Significance 9.2 (2012): 4-8. Academic Search Complete. Web. 19 Feb. 2015.

Thanks for adding the sources, but there are some problems. Some of your references include link to the databases, which will be useless to most readers. Even more importantly, your info about Carl Lewis's long jump world record is incorrect. His jump was not a world record. Also, the word "astonishing" doesn't have a place here if you want to keep a neutral point of view. You should change that information (or at least delete it) immediately. Josef Horáček (talk) 08:12, 2 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Assignment #1[edit]

The edits you made to "Hook" did clarify the lead section, but you also introduced some new problems. For example, the sentence "Known now as Peter Banning, a successful corporate lawyer with a wife and two children" is a fragment. You should join it to the previous sentence. Josef Horáček (talk) 18:13, 17 February 2015 (UTC)[reply]