User talk:Johannes Maximilian/Archives 2024/January

Draft:Borislav Tadic

Dear Johannes, thanks for your feedback on https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Draft:Borislav_Tadic. I've modified the text about him (e.g. removed his Linkedin page). Is there anything else that needs to be modified for publication? NevenRad (talk) 15:06, 31 December 2023 (UTC)

Draft:United States of Biafra

The draft article United States of Biafra has been improved with reliable, independent sources as required by Wikipedia. Among the links added are 1 2 3 etcetera. With this, I assume that the declination issue in review has been solved. I look forward to your favourable response. Olivia Harry (talk) 23:29, 8 January 2024 (UTC)

Draft:Ahmad Bazzi

Dear Johannes, thank you for your revision for Ahmad Bazzi (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Draft:Ahmad_Bazzi). I have followed your instructions and redrafted the whole article by inserting only reliable sources. Moreover, these sources are independent of one another and a subset of them can serve as secondary sources, which provides analysis on the primary source. I would like to hear your feedback regarding the newly drafted version. Thank you - RR Randomreader162 10:56, 10 January 2024 (UTC)

John Craske - my draft

Hello Johannes - I have started to make some additions to the draft page about John Crtaske which you kindly reviewed. I am not finished yet. Do you check it every time I "publish"? I take it that "publish" is the only way to save changes? Anyhow, I am not finished but if you have further comments to offer I am most grateful. This is an important life I am trying to summarise here. Many thanks, Carolyn CarolynCo (talk) 17:09, 5 January 2024 (UTC)

Hello Carolyn thank you for your draft! Please be aware that a Wikipedia article is composed in a way so that it's easily understood by someone unfamiliar with the topic. It must provide sufficient context to the average reader. For example, a Wikipedia article about myself would read something like "Johannes Maximilian is a Wikipedia editor" as its first sentence. You shouldn't start an article with a sentence that transports a strong opinion in a way that makes little sense in a work such as Wikipedia, which is an opinion depicting rather than opinion conveying work. Encyclopedic notability can be established by describing how third parties evaluate or judge a certain topic, but attributing remarkableness to the mere fact that someone is an artist who has allegedly become acclaimed in a limited region does not establish notability. Note that this only discusses the first sentence of your draft.

You must also be aware of the encyclopedic tone and style that's used on Wikipedia: If your text contains vivid adjectives that suffuse its text with life that helps transport a powerful message, you have definitely made a mistake – Wikipedia text is certainly barren, almost boring in the way its tone and style are developed. That, however, does not mean that the contents must be boring or that the text does not need a reasonable structure, because that is what it definitely does. Biographies of dead (or living) subjects ought to be written in a sensible manner that eases comprehension of the topic, I recommend chronological order. I doubt that the average reader would grasp from just skimming through the text that the subject is from the county of Norfolk in the UK – this is because the text discusses "fishing fields near Iceland" which I reckon are like 1,000 miles away? And again, this is just one of the many examples that I could make.

Summarising this, your draft lacks structure and context, and its tone and style are way too vivid for a Wikipedia article (see WP:NPOV). I hope this helps you, but frankly, I suppose that it will take a couple of days(!) to fix your draft because you will need to rewrite your text from scratch, at least that's my prediction. Best regards and a nice weekend, --Johannes (Talk) (Contribs) (Articles) 20:22, 5 January 2024 (UTC)

You are very kind, Johannes, to provide such detailed feedback and I thank you. I have rewritten the text as you suggested and will now over-write the first draft. One of my issues is that a lot of the material comes from a genealogist who has researched the Craske family (she is married to a descendant, Trevor Craske) and is factually accurate based on what she was told by the family and descendants. I can obviously reference her notes at the end. Is this sufficient? Thank you CarolynCo (talk) 17:06, 7 January 2024 (UTC)

Also - pleaz=se be aware that I now need to add in sub-headings, photographs and references. I will do that next. Thank you, Carolyn CarolynCo (talk) 17:21, 7 January 2024 (UTC)

Hi Carolyn, notes are deemed primary sources (WP:PRIMARY) (unless they are published as a monograph). Best regards, --Johannes (Talk) (Contribs) (Articles) 17:39, 7 January 2024 (UTC)

Johannes - I have been reading the guidance about primary sources. It says,

1. Do not base an entire article on primary sources, and be cautious about basing large passages on them. So I am troubled now. I have a large amount of factual material collected by a geanealogist who herself consulted various papers (eg correspondence) and interviewed relatives of the subject of the article in order to verify facts such as dates. However, she did not create a bibliography - so I cannot identify which source she used. The material is entirely factual. Can I use it or not as the main part of the article - like the backbone of the article? Thank you

CarolynCo (talk) 14:46, 12 January 2024 (UTC)

• Short answer: No, because Wikipedia is based on established knowledge, not on truths, facts, or correct information (not that established knowledge may also be true, factual, or correct).
• The reasonable answer: While you may not directly cite said geanealogist – who has not summarised her insights in a monograph or comparable work – as a source, you may use the knowledge that you can gather to your advantage: If you have an idea of what happened, you can more precisely search for secondary sources that support these findings. A simple method to start with is googling a subject's name including his/her date of birth and date of death, e.g. "George" "Washington "1732" "1799". I hope this illustrates what I mean? Best regards, --Johannes (Talk) (Contribs) (Articles) 18:38, 12 January 2024 (UTC)

Draft:Mohammed Abd Hassan

Hi Johannes, thank you for checking my draft about the iraqi writer. i would like to assure you that i have used all the reliable resources to support the article. It is an independent effort and i checked all the paragraphes to be sure that i follow wikipedia's policy. it is true that i am new here and this is my first article, so i will be thankful if you could tell me about the (not reliable resources ) that i used in my article.

thank you in advanced and i look forward to hear from you. EvgeniyGolubev (talk) 00:06, 15 January 2024 (UTC)

Draft:Throwflame

Hi Johannes, I'm just reaching out about Draft:Throwflame_(company). I took your comments into account and added some more reliable source and trimmed down the content in line with WP:NPOV. If you could have a look and let me know if you think the issues are resolved, it would be much appreciated. If not, maybe you can give some more specific tips on exactly what kind of changes need to be made?

Thanks! Chagropango (talk) 11:00, 22 January 2024 (UTC)

Request on 20:06:59, 23 January 2024 for assistance on AfC submission by Derwooddog

• Derwooddog (talk · contribs)
  • Draft:Kenneth Shapiro (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

Hi, I was told I need to tune down the tone of my article that hasn't been approved for publication yet - I'm hoping for some clarity on what that means exactly and what changes I need to make. Thank you!

Derwooddog (talk) 20:06, 23 January 2024 (UTC)

Draft:List of continuous Jewish settlements in Israel

These sources are all proper and used in other wiki pages.

1. https://embassies.gov.il/MFA/AboutIsrael/Maps/Pages/Jewish%20Communities%20in%20the%20Land%20of%20Israel%20-7th-11th.aspx "Jews in the Land of Israel (636-1880 CE)"
2. ^ Jump up to:^{a b c} https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/vie-hebron "Hebron is revered as one of the four holiest places in Judaism (along with Jerusalem, Safed and Tiberias) and Jews had lived continously there for centuries."
3. ^
4. ^ Researchers race to document vanishing Jewish heritage of Galilee Druze village, Eli Ashkenaz, 25 July 2012, Haaretz, "Zinati, who was born in 1931, is the last link in the chain of a Jewish community that apparently maintained a continuous presence in Peki'in since the time of the Second Temple, when three families from the ranks of the kohenim, the priestly caste that served in the Temple, moved there. Since then, the only known break in the Jewish presence was during two years in the late 1930s, when the town's Jews fled the Arab riots of 1936–39. Most of them went to what they called the Hadera diaspora. But one family, Zinati's, returned home in 1940."
5. ^ Jews and Muslims in the Arab World: Haunted by Pasts Real and Imagined, Jacob Lassner, Rowman & Littlefield, 2007, p.314, "...the small community of Peki'in in the mountains of the Galilee, not far from Safed, whose present-day residents could demonstrate that they were direct descendants of inhabitants of the village who had never gone into exile."

TruckDealer (talk) 16:28, 27 January 2024 (UTC)

Please stop reverting obviously correct AfC declines. "it is properly sourced according to the guidelines" is not true. In case you think it is, plese refer to WP:CIR. --Johannes (Talk) (Contribs) (Articles) 16:52, 27 January 2024 (UTC)

Karkafs Desiderium- My Draft

My Draft "Draft:Kurds in Caucasia" has been not been accepted by you, Johannes Maximilian. It has been dismissed because its not adequately supported by reliable sources. I would like to have some clarification on how this is the case, like what paragraph of the Draft is not correctly sourced in your opinion? Karkafs Desiderium (talk) 19:54, 27 January 2024 (UTC)