User talk:BeckAnn B/Ephor

Feedback:

I think that overall your new additions and changes are very good! One thing that I think would help make the article more clear and accessible for people who don't know much about the topic would be to add a short summary of the ephor's duties in the introductory statement, which would then be expanded upon in the section on their duties. In terms of organization, I also think it would be helpful to put the introduction into its own section, since at the moment, it jumps pretty quickly into the regular material. I think that what you have underneath the intro statement at the moment could be organized into its own section, maybe "History of the Ephors" or something like that. It might also be interesting to add a section about how the Ephors are portrayed in popular culture. I know that the 300 film/comic book could probably be referenced here since it portrays the ephors as strange creepy monsters essentially, and I'm sure there are other instances where they're mentioned in books or video games. I think that a section like this could be helpful for clearing up misconceptions that people might have about who they really were. The only other minor suggestion that I can think of would be to add some examples to the "contemporary uses" section, since at the moment there is only one example provided, but I understand that it might be tricky to find. Other than that, I don't think there is much else that needs to be changed. The addition of the list of known ephors was a really good choice and I think it adds a lot of helpful information to the page. The way you outlined their history and duties was well done! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Katochis (talk • contribs) 19:00, 7 March 2021 (UTC)

Instructor Comments on Draft/Peer Review 1

Katochis thanks for your helpful and insightful review! The comments you provided on the word doc were very helpful, and you only missed a typo or two - great job! You do a very good job of balancing your copyediting suggestions with the larger content review, presented above. Ultimately this will be a very helpful review for your peer, so thank you! Grade: A+

BeckAnn B great work with your first draft. This is a tough topic to tackle since it's such an integral institution in ancient Sparta, but the historical sources are a mess. I agree with your reviewer that the lead section as it stands is disproportionately long in relation to the rest of your article - I know this is a work in progress and you didn't revamp the lead entirely, but I would definitely think about shortening it considerably, and then add an 'intro' section (or the great 'history of the office' suggestion!). You might think about moving the etymology info up to an intro section. Another section that could be added is one on 'primary sources' so that you could go through the main sources for the office of ephor in chronological order so that the reader can understand how difficult it is to reconstruct the Archaic & Classical form of this office from later Classical and Roman sources. I also love the addition of the known ephors. To really bring this to the next level, you might want to explore epigraphic evidence (ie inscriptions) that list ephors in various years! Great job on your first draft, keep up this level of work! Grade: A+

Gardneca (talk) 22:57, 8 March 2021 (UTC)

Peer Review 2:

Please find more detailed comments in the Word document sent via email, and let me know if you have any questions.

General Feedback: I think every part of your future plan sounds excellent! I would suggest if you do end up creating a primary sources section, try putting it right after the history section. In this way, when the readers see the names of the ancient authors later on in the page, they would always be able to go back to the above section as a reference. I actually have a primary sources section on my page. What I did is also provide the historical periods of each author I am referencing as the background context. I also agree with your previous editor’s comment that you could potentially include a reference to the movie 300. As a further suggestion, to find epigraphic sources, I usually approach this task by diving into secondary academic literature that uses this type of reference. You have maintained a neutral standpoint throughout the writing, and you are clearly not convincing the readers with any specific viewpoint either. All the wordings are in a neutral tone, and I believe you deserve full credits in this area! I think your lead section has a lot of clarity and is a true reflection of the overall content. You have also touched on all the points that I could think of regarding the topic of ephors, so you have done an excellent job of providing balanced coverage. In addition, you used a combination of general factual statements and specific examples drawn from ancient texts, which is ideal when writing for Wikipedia. Your sources section is immaculate. The only suggestion I would give is to get rid of the older sources published before the 50s, as these publications tend not to be as reliable as newer editions or more recent scholarships. As a final note, I would say your major area for improvement is the structure, especially how you choose to organize and discuss the ephors’ different duties and roles. I would also suggest naming each of their responsibility out and give them separate sub-sections.

IamEmpressDowager (talk) 19:56, 20 March 2021 (UTC)