User talk:Afigueroa16/sandbox
It looks pretty good to me overall. Only two points I would like to make. First, you have that the "cause is unknown" in the last sentence in the abstract and then again in the very next section. I thought it was a bit repetitive. If you leave the causes where it is I would maybe recommend that you just delete that sentence in the abstract. Secondly, I was thinking maybe you should but PCP in parenthesis after you mention what it is the first time. You say primary care provider without the parenthesis and then later say PCP. If I was a general reader that might confuse me. That would be the same with any other abbreviation in the text like CHF. --Svela01 (talk) 18:58, 14 November 2019 (UTC)
I think your page looks great!! The mechanism page was hefty and explained everything very thoroughly. I also think the symptoms section was well written out. The bullet points in some of the sections helped make the page look less wordy and made it easier to read. Even if I was a random person on Wikipedia, I could skim through the page and get the idea of it. The only part that wasn't as in depth was the "causes" part, and I do acknowledge that it's still technically unknown, making it hard to describe. I was wondering if there were also genetic factors? Or can asthma be triggered by a one time occurrence? Can it ever go away or are you stuck with it forever? Bksiazek (talk) 04:06, 16 November 2019 (UTC)
- Remove the subject at the top. That is not a heading that belongs on the page.
- This is written for a general audience, not a specific patient. Do not use second person.
- Would benefit from more links to the rest of wikipedia.
- Needs recent research section.