User:Josibgrbbn/Reichsbund jüdischer Frontsoldaten/Alistairnalle Peer Review

General info

Whose work are you reviewing?

User: Josibgrbbn

Link to draft you're reviewing

User:Josibgrbbn/Reichsbund jüdischer Frontsoldaten

Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reichsbund_j%C3%BCdischer_Frontsoldaten

Evaluate the drafted changes

Lead:

• The lead has not been updated yet—this is something I’m sure they will add later
• Due to how well-organized the draft is, a strong lead will likely arise as there is more work done on the article

Content:

• The inclusion of the “Origin” section is highly relevant to the topic—providing readers with a strong foundation
• The information is up to date. Sources from 2009 and 2015 are included in the draft that are not found in the current article
• Not sure of missing content—my guess is yes, but those gaps will be filled with more additions.
• As a first draft, all of the content fits the topic well and can only get better

Tone and Balance:

• The overall tone is neutral
• There can be some awkward spots—such as “This makeup leads to a complicated ideological makeup in regards to political action.”
• There is nothing that suggests bias within the added content
• The language used is fittingly passive, as well

Sources and References

• All references except number 8 are good—8 is missing valuable parts of the citation
• The links all work
• A diverse blend of sources—both old and current
• Sources include both Jewish-American institutes and German books/history—the former representing marginalized individuals

Organization

• This is probably where the article needs the most development
• Sometimes the periods go after the citation number and sometimes they go before it
• One example—“The essence of the Reichsbund jüdischer Frontsoldaten (RjF) was that a defensive organization”
• Many sentences lack punch—aim to be more concise in each one
• A sentence like— “Due to these differing political orientations they had members with political beliefs ranging from communism and socialism to right leaning in line with German society at the time” needs to be less convoluted
• Apart from that, the way the article is divided is extremely clear and manageable—so overall, great job!

Images and Media

• The new photo works fine—not much else to add. Maybe add the right kind of context to orient the reader (?)
• I noticed that the preexisting photo was given more context in the draft—good!
• Why was the third photo removed? Not saying it shouldn’t have been—just take that into account and make sure that it was intentional
• Both photos belong to the public domain. The second one needs the U.S. domain tag. Don’t know what that means—but it’s something to look into
• Layout of the images functions well

Overall Impressions

• Nicely done, Josibrbbn!
• The article is certainly more completely. Except for more clear and succinct writing, you are certainly on the right track for developing the article
• The shining quality of this draft is that it is readable and accessible. The content added really helps to position the reader properly.
• I’ve already mentioned this, but to improve just focus on the actual mechanics of the article—also, continue writing. If there is more to add, add it. Make sure to narrow down the topic and construct a strong lead section.