Talk:Talking to the Moon/GA2

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Cartoon network freak (talk · contribs) 04:40, 27 May 2016 (UTC)

Hi, I'm Cartoon network freak and here's my review for your GAN:

Lead

• Bruno Mars' -> Bruno Mars's; you only let the "s" gone if it is plural

"With some singular nouns that end in -s, pronouncing the possessive ending as a separate syllable can sound awkward; in such cases, it is acceptable to use just an apostrophe". - (Kirszner & Mandell, The Brief Holt Handbook)

• Add year of release for the album in "()"
• Remove "(EP)" and add release year of the EP.
• as the -> as its
• and produced by -> while production was handled by
• and co-produced by Bhasker -> in collaboration with Bhasker
• is a Pop song -> remains a pop song
• and the song's lyrics -> and its lyrics
• Brazil by -> Brazil through
• Insensato Coração (Irrational Heart). -> Insensato Coração (Irrational Heart) from YEAR OF RELEASE
• charted on -> charted on the
• one on both -> one, respectively
• several times -> you already used "several", try to change
• Add year of tour
• fourteenth song -> you've already used "song"

Addressed but the first one.MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 13:29, 27 May 2016 (UTC)

Infobox

• For "recorded", change the style to that used in "Dance (Alexandra Stan song)"

Fixed. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 13:29, 27 May 2016 (UTC)

Background and production

• Understand, released -> Understand, which was released
• Mars stated: "I just write songs that I strongly believe in and that are coming from inside. There's no tricks. It's honesty with big melodies. And I'm singing the s*** out of them." -> Mars stated that "[he] just [writes] songs that [he] strongly believe in and that are coming from inside. There's no tricks. It's honesty with big melodies. And [he is] singing the s*** out of them."
• Unlink "studio album"
• Unlink "Elekta" and "Atlantic"
• was also -> was as well

All the comments have been addressed. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 16:42, 27 May 2016 (UTC)

Composition

• is a Pop -> remains a pop
• 3 min 7 sec -> 3 minutes and 7 seconds
• song is -> song was
• and is set -> and was set
• of this song -> of the recording
• give away the -> give away its
• Remove "only"
• the singer's -> Mars's; in case I've forgotten to list the "'s" issue everywhere, please fix that for the entire article

Please see above.

• opinion is shared -> opinion was shared
• believes -> believed
• Remove ":"

Issues amended. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 16:42, 27 May 2016 (UTC)

Critical reception

• Unlink "music critics"
• Alex Young, of -> Alex Young of
• Remove as well the other comma
• song a strong review -> song a positive review
• adding: -> adding that
• gone ... -> gone [...]
• the song: -> Remove ":"
• that the -> that Mars's

There are at least three like this. Can you be more specific.

After I re-saw it, I think this needs not to be fixed anymore. Cartoon network freak (talk) 18:51, 27 May 2016 (UTC)

• calling the track -> calling
• that: -> Remove ":"
• Mars: -> same as above
• the EP -> his EP
• the song opening -> the song's opening

The same issues as in the first comment.

• that "just -> that it "just
• He concluded his review, -> The review concluded that
• Remove "On the other hand, while reviewing the debut EP," and make one paragraph out of two
• said "Talking to the Moon": -> confessed about the recording that it
• song: -> Remove ":"

Issues amended. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 16:42, 27 May 2016 (UTC)

Commercial performance

• Because it was included -> Following the track's inclusion
• resulted in -> resulted its
• charts: -> charts –

Don't forget it's like this " –"

• reaching the top position on both -> with it reaching the top position in both cases.
• These are published by Billboard Brasil with data provided by Crowley Broadcast Analysis. -> overflous, remove it
• While on Brasil Hot 100 Airplay -> On Brasil Hot 100 Airplay,
• the song ranks -> the song ranked
• Try to combine two latter two sentences with other ones

Done. I'm not sure what you want with the last comment, could you detail a little more? MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 16:42, 27 May 2016 (UTC)

I mean you're talking about the track reaching number one, following which you're talking about something different, and then you're again saying that it stayed there for nine weeks. This somehow doesn't fit together. Cartoon network freak (talk) 18:51, 27 May 2016 (UTC)

Usage in media

• of the -> of
• and it is included -> ,with it being as well included
• It was also used -> "Talking to the Moon"
• song is -> song was

Done. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 16:42, 27 May 2016 (UTC)

Credits and personnel

• Credits adapted from the liner notes of Doo-Wops & Hooligans, Elektra Records -> place this above
• Change the overall style of the credits to that used in "Dance (Alexandra Stan song)"

I only change the "mixing and mastering" → Recording. There is more than one way of doing things. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 16:42, 27 May 2016 (UTC)

Outcome: This article features mostly minor issues, thus I'm giving you 7 days to fix them by placing it on hold. Ping me when you're ready. Best, Cartoon network freak (talk) 12:44, 27 May 2016 (UTC)

• @Cartoon network freak: I have addressed the errors you raised. Regardless, I have some questions. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 14:03, 27 May 2016 (UTC)

@MarioSoulTruthFan: Responded to your comments. A final re-review is going to come later today or tomorrow. Best, Cartoon network freak (talk) 19:24, 27 May 2016 (UTC)

Re-Review

Lead

• extended play It's Better If You Don't Understand (2010) -> extended play, It's Better If You Don't Understand (2010),
• Pop -> pop
• As result -> As a result
• , and -> and on the
• on the set -> on its set

Addressed. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 23:17, 27 May 2016 (UTC)

Background and prodcution

• Unlink "Elektra Records" and "Jeff Bhasker"
• of the EP -> of the record
• Levine while -> Levine, while
• Pop -> pop

Amended. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 23:26, 27 May 2016 (UTC)

Critical reception

• song: "a -> song "a

Fixed. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 23:23, 27 May 2016 (UTC)

I believe I addressed the comment on the commercial performance, please take a look. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 23:23, 27 May 2016 (UTC)

I think this is it... Gonna list this as a GA after you have resolved this problems and those above. Until then... Cartoon network freak (talk) 19:58, 27 May 2016 (UTC)

@Cartoon network freak: If you could check what I have done I would appreciate in order to move on with this GA nomination. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 23:27, 27 May 2016 (UTC)

@MarioSoulTruthFan: Passing. Congratulations! Cartoon network freak (talk) 08:18, 28 May 2016 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.