Talk:Rafael Quispe/GA1
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA Review[edit]
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Reviewer: Vami IV (talk · contribs) 18:30, 11 March 2023 (UTC)
Preamble from Vami[edit]
Hello, and thank you for your contributions to Wikipedia. My name is Vami, and I will be your reviewer. During this review I may make small edits such as spelling corrections, but I will only suggest substantive content changes in comments here. For responding to my comments, please use
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Removed, followed by any comment you'd like to make. As my comments are addressed or rebutted, I will cross them out, and only my comments.If I have demonstrated incompetence or caused offense, please let me know. –♠Vamí_IV†♠ 18:30, 11 March 2023 (UTC)
Referencing and spot checks[edit]
References are reliable; no cause for concern. –♠Vamí_IV†♠ 18:30, 11 March 2023 (UTC)
Spotchecks:
- [6]: Good
- [16]: Good
- [20]: Good
- [35]: Good
- [49]: Good
- [56]: Good
Assuming good faith from here. –♠Vamí_IV†♠ 18:30, 11 March 2023 (UTC)
Copyright and images[edit]
Images are relevant and properly licensed. –♠Vamí_IV†♠ 18:30, 11 March 2023 (UTC)
Earwig's scan and inspection thereof turns up no copy-pastes or close paraphrasing. –♠Vamí_IV†♠ 18:30, 11 March 2023 (UTC)
Assuming good faith, from spotchecks, that there are no translation copyright violations. –♠Vamí_IV†♠ 18:30, 11 March 2023 (UTC)
Prose[edit]
Lead[edit]
[...] he later served as vice minister of decolonization [...]
Recommend linking to that ministry and capitalizing accordingly.
- There is no existing article but I have removed the link to 'decolonization'. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:50, 11 March 2023 (UTC)
[...] though he never completed his degree.
Recommend "a degree".
Done Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:50, 11 March 2023 (UTC)
National Council of Ayllus and Markas of Qullasuyu [...] National Council of Ayllus and Markaz of Qullasuyu
Spelling inconsistent.
- Fixed Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:50, 11 March 2023 (UTC)
Paragraphs 2 and 3 restate a lot of paragraph 1. I recommend stripping paragraph 1 to the bare essentials and leaving the other two be.
- I gutted the first paragraph to the bare essentials. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 19:02, 12 March 2023 (UTC)
Body prose[edit]
What's "Univalle"?
- Changed to 'University of Valle'; it's not a particularly good translation but it is what a similar institute in Colombia is called. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:53, 11 March 2023 (UTC)
Despite stating that if nominated, he would accept heading the ticket, Quispe himself admitted that his chances of reaching the country's highest position were negligible.
I suggest a shorter, more clinical sentence here, and then using it springboard into the next sentence.
- Shortened but not by much. Were you suggesting I change the sentence to something different? Krisgabwoosh (talk) 05:23, 12 March 2023 (UTC)
However, Quispe rejected the nomination, maintaining that he was unwilling to be the running mate of someone "who did not fight for the demands of the country's indigenous movement".
Direct quotations need to be immediately followed with an in-line citation of the source.
- Done Krisgabwoosh (talk) 05:23, 12 March 2023 (UTC)
[...] made him a well-known and equally contentious figure.
Recommend deleting "equally" here; it adds nothing.
- Done Krisgabwoosh (talk) 05:23, 12 March 2023 (UTC)
The oral trial against Quispe was installed [...]
Installed?
- 'Opened'? Krisgabwoosh (talk) 05:23, 12 March 2023 (UTC)
Quispe failed to attend the hearing three times, declaring that "the court not to waste my time", [...]
Feels wonky; reword?
- Quote is unnecessary. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 05:23, 12 March 2023 (UTC)
[...] leaders of the Red Ponchos [...]
Who? On this note, it'd be a good idea to introduce the newspapers as they're mentioned in the prose ("...[Bolivian] newspaper La Razon...").
- Added detail mention that they're a militia. On the topic of newspapers, I think it's reasonable to assume most individuals can surmise what is being referred to. Many articles on US politicians rarely feel the need to mention that a newspaper is being referred to. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 05:23, 12 March 2023 (UTC)
In response, Quispe dawned his own black poncho [...]
The correct homonym is "donned".
- Thanks, corrected. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 05:23, 12 March 2023 (UTC)
In response, Quispe dawned his own black poncho, challenging the militiamen to a whip duel; "they want to whip me..." [...]
Recommend: "In response, Quispe, wearing a black poncho, challenged the militiamen to a whip duel, saying, "they want to whip me...""
- Shortened quote and incorporated some of these suggestions. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 05:23, 12 March 2023 (UTC)
"We are going to reconstitute the Indigenous Fund ... so that it serves the true aboriginal indigenous peasant, the ayllus, the markas, and the communities", he stated.
Superfluous.
- Shortened to just the first part. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 05:23, 12 March 2023 (UTC)
[...] returning home to graze his goats "because goats are loyal".
Recommend "herd his goats".
- Done Krisgabwoosh (talk) 05:23, 12 March 2023 (UTC)
Quispe is married to Rocío Patty, with whom he has lived in El Alto for over twenty years, together with their two children, [...]
It is inadvisable to mention a subject's children (especially in a BLP, especially especially a politician's) by name unless they are independently notable.
- Removed. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 05:23, 12 March 2023 (UTC)
[...] with he himself continuing to make an income working as a service driver during that time.
Recommend "while he continued working as a service driver."
- Done Krisgabwoosh (talk) 05:23, 12 March 2023 (UTC)
GA progress[edit]
Good Article review progress box
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The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.