Talk:Mother Solomon/GA2

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Kimikel (talk · contribs) 05:02, 12 November 2024 (UTC)

@Averageuntitleduser:: Please see my GAR below. Thank you for your contributions, and please let me know if you have any questions or concerns regarding my suggestions. Thank you! Kimikel (talk) 05:02, 12 November 2024 (UTC)

@Kimikel: I've responded below. Many thanks for the review. The suggestions for better phrasings are especially appreciated! Averageuntitleduser (talk) 05:32, 13 November 2024 (UTC)

@Averageuntitleduser: Thank you for your prompt response; I like what you've done to go through and rephrase to make the article flow better. I've gone through myself and changed a couple minor things; with that, I feel like there's nothing left to discuss. I appreciate your contributions and congratulations! Kimikel (talk) 01:25, 14 November 2024 (UTC)

Well-written

• you switch between calling her "Margaret" and "Solomon" for short throughout the article, one should be used consistently
  • Not done. I use "Margaret" to differentiate from John Solomon. I believe MOS:SAMESURNAME recommends this.

Lead

• "Two of their children were buried near the church." > remove to help flow
  • Partially done. I revised the sentence and it now seems less awkward to me. It is also now slightly built upon later in the paragraph.
• "her community succumbed to the Indian Removal Act and signed a" > the Indian Removal Act forced her community from its land, signing a
  • Partially done. Forgive my pickiness, but the construction of the sentence doesn't fully sit right with me. However, the more direct framing that "forced" implies has made an obvious improvement.
• "Many died of illness along the journey, and" > remove, doesn't tell us anything about Mother Solomon
  • Done.
• "the sheriff John Solomon" > sheriff John Solomon
  • Not done. I tend not to use false titles; just my personal preference.
• "she sang "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing"" > she sang a Wyandot translation of "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing"
  • Done.

Early life

• "Solomon only received her given name, one of Christian origin, during" > Solomon did not receive her given name, of Christian origin, until
  • Done. That makes a surprising difference!
• "who she became friends with" > with whom she became friends
  • Done.
• "Harriet Stubbs" > briefly introduce Harriet Stubbs somehow, like "missionary"
  • Done.

Wyandot removal to Kansas

• "Two children of their own were buried in the cemetery,[34] but they remained with a son and two daughters." > this kind of comes out of nowhere, there's no mention she even had children at this point. is there any more context you could put about her children beforehand? also specify that it's the church's cemetery.
  • Done. Hmm, the sources really only allow for a broad sentence about how many children they had in Ohio. I imagine this is sufficient, though.
• "alongside the remaining ones, these died in infancy" > this makes it sound like every one of her children, including the older ones, died in infancy, which doesn't make sense with the following sentence.
  • Clarified, I hope. "Infancy" was poor word choice. I've rephrased to state that none of her children lived past adolescence. Let me know if there is still some confusion here.
• "Even after returning to Ohio, the year she died, Solomon signed a document objecting to the removal of the cemetery's remains." > doesn't belong in this section
  • Moved.
• "Oregon emigrants" > are they people travelling to Oregon on the Oregon Trail? in that case they're Oregon immigrants. If they're leaving Oregon then they're emigrants.
  • Clarified, I hope. It seems the settlers who traveled the Oregon Trail are almost always called emigrants, but as demonstrated, that can quickly become contradictory.

Return to Ohio

• "The population meanwhile grew to 2,500.[42] Even so, a few earlier houses remained."> swap the order these sentences come in
  • I workshopped this paragraph to hopefully make it even more fluent. Let me know it still leaves you with suggestions.
• "Many children attested to being raised by her as adults, as late as the 1950s" > As late as the 1950s, many adults attested to being raised by her as children
  • Done. Much smoother! And I cut the "as children".
• briefly introduce William H. Gibson
  • Done.
• "Likewise, Solomon was the only Wyandot who had departed in 1843 in attendance." > remove likewise
  • Done.

Death and legacy

• "The pastor G. Lease" > Pastor G. Lease
  • Not done. Per above.

Verifiable

• Regarding the previous GAR, regarding Marsh 1984, I feel there's enough going for it to count as a reliable source for this review's purpose.

Spot check

1. 61: Verified
2. 45: Not verified; source doesn't say that the land 'was' put up for auction, just that an auction was planned. Might need to tweak that sentence somewhat

Done. This is fair.

1. 19: Verified
2. 66: Verified
3. 70: maybe I'm just overlooking it but I can't see where it says that they received it from the Wyandot County Museum

Removed. Good catch. I definitely made that connection too hastily when I first wrote the sentence.

Broad

• Besides the aforementioned lack of information about her children, no issues

Stable

• Stable

Neutral

• Neutral

Illustrated

• Images all are properly tagged and usable, contribute to the article, and have appropriate captions

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.