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Talk:Laura Matsuda

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GA Review

[edit]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.


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This review is transcluded from Talk:Laura Matsuda/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Nominator: Kung Fu Man (talk · contribs) 06:45, 23 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: QuicoleJR (talk · contribs) 15:43, 19 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]


I'll take this one. QuicoleJR (talk) 15:43, 19 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Kung Fu Man: The article is overall pretty good, but I did notice a few things. The article also passes the spot check. QuicoleJR (talk) 20:54, 19 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

[edit]
  • a character from 1997's Street Fighter III and its updates. What does “updates” mean here?
    • Removed, not really necessary to grasp in this case.
  • In live action portrayals of the character, she was played by Natascha Hopkins for the web mini-series Street Fighter: Resurrection. I think you should cut everything before the first comma. The sentence just doesn't sound right as-is.
    • Restructured
  • originally having them exposed in her finalized design “Originally” implies it was later changed, while “finalized design” implies it was not changed. This should be fixed.
    • Fixed
  • the character has received mixed reception, with her moveset being praised, but her story and lack of character was criticized. The grammar is incorrect here.
    • Fixed
  • while others served more to appeal to the male gaze. What do you mean by that?
    • Fixed to be clearer

Conception and development

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  • motions related to the sport This part could be worded better.
    • Made more direct
  • and revealing varying degrees of her body What are “degrees” of a person's body?
    • Rewrote to be clearer
  • and along with her voluptuous body was meant to give her a more pronounced South American look. What does “voluptuous” mean? I might just be dumb here, but there are probably more common words you could use to express this sentiment.
    • Added quote to voluptuous, it's their term not mine.
  • but deciding to be "honest with himself" instead. I have no clue what this is supposed to mean here.
    • Tweaked. Was trying to be careful not to put words in his mouth, but I feel the context is the same still with this edit.

Reception

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  • examined her on the grounds of her portrayal of race and feminism, I feel like this sentence would read better if you cut “on the grounds of her”.
    • Fixed
  • IMO, the Brazilian Society is too heavily quoted. If possible, I would prefer to have much of this paraphrased.
    • Rewrote
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.