Talk:Innovation in Shenzhen

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Reviewed from Yuxin as part of Wikipedia:GLAM/PoliMi/2020-b[edit]

Hello, I just reviewed your work. As a Chinese, I appreciate your contribution on this topic. I only had a little doubt about the part "Shanzhai", even though it is a real problem, but I'm not sure whether it is neutral or suitable in the introduction part. Best --Yuxin Yang (talk) 14:03, 17 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewed as part of Wikipedia:GLAM/PoliMi/2020-b[edit]

Hi! This was a nice article to read about the boom of science and technology in Shenzhen. Nice pictures and nice citations. I have made some edits in it, added some links to Wikipedia articles where I thought it would be good to have them. Regards --~Glama1 (talk) 14:35, 17 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Observations and suggestions for improvements[edit]

The following observations and suggestions for improvements were collected, following expert review of the article within the Science, Tecnology, Society and Wikipedia course at the Politecnico di Milano, in June 2020.

This is a very good wikipedia page. Some suggestions follow on possible improvements

The sentence "Located in the south of Guangdong province, forty years ago, Shenzhen was an impoverished, backward and deprived fishing village of China." is not motivated by the reference, and should possibly be rewritten. I suggest a different wording, such as: "Located in the south of Guangdong province, forty years ago Shenzhen was an small fishing village of China."
Minor correction in the sentence "the entrepreneurial and industrious minds of its people." that would better read as "the entrepreneurial and industrious mindset of its people."
In the sentence "A product that required one to one and a half year for a Western company to take it to the market could sometimes take only four to six weeks within the Shanzhai ecosystem.[9]" the time quantification misleading, even if taken from the reference. Better "The result is an ecosystem where products can be developed and brought to the market more efficiently and quickly than in most competing companies.[9]"
Reference is missing (and needed) in the sentence "These steps brought the desired results and Shenzhen developed its own Regional Innovation System (RIS)"

Majorett (talk) 21:58, 18 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]