Talk:If Madonna Calls/GA1
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA Review[edit]
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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 05:37, 21 March 2018 (UTC)
- Lead and infobox
- For this part (recorded on Vasquez's answering machine), I would say “recorded from” as the original phrasing makes it sounds like it was intentionally recorded with the answering machine.
- This part (it resulted in her ending professional relationship with Vasquez) is worded rather awkwardly. You are missing something between “ending” and professional”. I would rephrase the overall sentence (i.e. The singer never approved of the track and it resulted in her ending professional relationship with Vasquez.) to (The singer never approved of the track and ended her professional relationship with Vasquez.) to be more concise.
- I am not certain about this part (was a dance hit in the United States record charts.). The phrase “dance hit” is rather subjective. I would just include a sentence about its chart placement.
- I do not think that the citation in the lead is necessary. The information should be included in the body of the article with the citation included.
- Background
- Please link Madonna upon the first mention.
- This part (her 1990 worldwide hit single "Vogue".) sounds rather fanish. I would replace the phrasing “worldwide hit single” with just “single”. There is no reason to include the chart performance of “Vogue” in this article. If people want to learn more about that song, they can click the link to the article.
- This part (as well as composed many unreleased mixes.) should be (as well as composing many unreleased mixes.).
- I would change the “recorded on” to “recorded from” as I have previously suggested.
- This section should include information from the “Personnel” section and information on the recording studio.
- Move the link for single to the first mention of it in the section.
- I am confused by this part (after Madonna failed to show up for a surprise performance at one of Vasquez's parties) as it is different from the information presented in the lead (i.e. It was produced after Madonna allegedly failed to appear at one of Vasquez's performances at the last minute.). The body of the article seems to make the disagreement that Madonna did not perform at a party while the lead makes it out like Madonna did not perform with Vasquez during an event. I would clarify this.
- Reception
- I am confused by this sentence (Using Madonna's voice as a sample in "If Madonna Calls" was a testament to the singer's fame.). It does not match Wikipedia’s tone, and reads more like an editor writing an article about this. Is this a quote? The tone is really weird here.
- I would revise this sentence (A similar point was noted by author John Walton Cotman in the book Cuban Transitions At the Millennium, about how people in Miami always said that somehow they knew Madonna, and the song was a mockery of that.) to avoid the passive voice in the beginning.
- Please include information about its appearance on the Canada chart.
- Personal
- I would move the sentence to the top of the section.
- I would include the recording location here.
- Final comments
- This is a very interesting and informative article. I will pass this once all of my comments are addressed. Aoba47 (talk) 05:54, 21 March 2018 (UTC)
- Verdict
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.